Love Commits

by Andrew Cromwell

What does it mean to commit to something? All of us have committed to get back in the gym, to start eating right, or stop wasting so much time on Facebook. More often than not, we have failed to follow through. Our lives are strewn with the wreckage of half-finished projects; plans that never made it past the dream stage, and relationships that always seem to fall just short of being great.

Commitment isn’t easy. Aligning our desires with our will-power and mixing them together in a way that results in personal transformation is just tough. Even more when it comes to the commitment that is required for our relationships to move to the next level. It is one thing to commit to get into the gym, and entirely another to commit to working through the junk that we all have in our closest relationships.

Loving people who are close to you — truly loving them — requires a level of commitment that we are uncomfortable with. It is easy to say we love someone. People say that all the time. We tell it to our kids when we are getting ready to leave our spouse. We say things like, “I love your mom/dad, but we just can’t live together.” Or we say it when we are talking about our relatives, “I love them, but I just can’t stand to be in the same room with them!"

Well, if that’s the case, then we have to ask ourselves, what does love really mean? The last time I checked, love was more than a feeling of liking the person (although that is part of it), it also involved a commitment to the person. For love really to be love, it means that we must be willing to be committed to the person. We must be committed to loving them through their limitations and weaknesses. We must be committed to the person whether or not we like them in the moment and whether or not they make us feel good.

This is where the rubber meets the road. Dear reader, you might be thinking that this kind of love is ideal and impossible. You live in the real world, and this kind of love is good only for saints and children’s stories. But I’d like to suggest that we not write off this kind of love so quickly. I believe that it is only when we love people through the difficult times that we really begin to understand what love means. Love that only loves when the other person makes us feel good or does what we want is nothing more than self-love. This kind of love says, “I love me so much that I'll love you only when you make me happy."

Regrettably, this is often the kind of love that characterizes marriages today. We say nice things to our spouse during the wedding ceremony, but we only mean them as long as we stay happy in the relationship. The moment we “fall out of love”, which is just code for, “you don’t make me happy anymore” or “I’m bored and selfish”, and then we make plans to move on to the next relationship.

Maybe it’s time for a revolution of commitment in our relationships. Whether it’s your marriage, your relatives or your closest friends, maybe we need to raise our understanding of what love means. So the next time you find yourself wanting to run away because the going gets tough, you stick in and fight for that which is important—your relationships. You and I have to be willing to fight for what matters. Maybe it’s true that the best lovers are the best fighters.

How Committed Are You?

by Andrew Cromwell

Vince Lombardi said, “The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.”

All too often, we have a commitment problem. Sometimes we don’t commit to something because we want to keep our options open. We are concerned that a better opportunity might come walking by and we might miss it if we are otherwise engaged. Sometimes we don’t commit because we don’t want to feel boxed in. The idea of being restricted is uncomfortable and therefore undesirable. And sometimes we don’t commit because commitment can be difficult and we are afraid that we might fail.

Our commitments (or lack of them) define us. People that are unshakably committed to the right things make a significant difference in our world. It is easy to list famous people whose impact still echoes today because of the positive commitments they made. Political and social figures Winston Churchill (“we will never surrender”) and Martin Luther King Jr. (“I have a dream”) refused to compromise. Thomas Edison (“I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”) wouldn’t give up. And Babe Ruth decided he was going to keep swinging the bat even when it meant he held the strikeout record for decades (“Every strike brings me closer to the next home run”).

Commitment doesn’t only make a difference in famous people’s lives, it transforms everyday lives as well. The dad that makes a commitment to spend time with his kids; the husband that commits wholeheartedly to pursue the heart of his wife; the teacher that decides that no child is unteachable; the friend that chooses to believe the best and always has your back: the employee that decides they don’t just work for their boss, they work for their Father in heaven (Colossians 3:23 “work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord”).

Of course, you can be committed to anything, and it is possible to be committed to things that are just a waste of time or are even destructive. But when you commit to those things that are truly meaningful—your family, building healthy relationships, Father God, work that makes a difference, giving rather then hoarding—you sow the seeds that will result in a harvest of blessing in your life.

I will never forget the story someone told me about the day their dad made the commitment to get their family in church. Church and spirituality was not a part of the family’s life up to that point, but one Sunday, dad made the decision that it was important. He gathered his family together and they headed off. More than thirty years later, the decision that father made continues to bless that family, and there is no doubt it will for generations to come.

The best commitment you can make is to chase after our Father with all of your heart. Joshua said, “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” That quality decision resulted in great blessing. Yours will too.

This weekend, the pastors in Kings County would love to have the opportunity to encourage you in your quality commitments. All over this community, pastors are invested in helping people build their marriage, their families and their relationships. Isn’t it time you made that quality commitment to get you and your family into church?