How Do You Smell?

by Candace Cortez

A couple of years ago, I was doing laundry (the chore that never ends) when I noticed a smell coming from the washer. I thought to myself, maybe I left the clothes in too long? Sometimes I feel like you have like 2.4 minutes to switch clothes in the summer heat before they start having that old stinky smell…you know the one right? So I added more detergent and ran the same clothes through again in an attempt to get rid of the odor. This time, hearing the buzzer, I quickly pulled the clothes out, only to still smell that smell. It was faint, but it was there. I realized that it was coming from the washer itself. EW! Troubleshooting now, I ran a load of just bleach water in hopes of eradicating the stink, unfortunately to no avail. The next day the smell was even worse! Come to find out, behind the wall of the washer, where I couldn’t see in my search for the source, there was a dead mouse! O. M. G. Thankfully my husband came to the rescue and rid our laundry room of the culprit and saved me from frustration and water wasting!

Recently this story returned to my mind during a conversation on how to have healthy relationships. I learned how, when an unmet expectation is answered in our heart with doubts about the character of another person instead of trust, resentment and even worse can begin to develop. The truth is, this resentment can go unchecked for years without being identified for what it is, but not without being noticed. Those places of hurt, when they are not surrendered or addressed, result in a rot that can be detected by the people around us. We can try to hide the resulting odor with perfumes of kindness or try to get rid of it by washing it away by holding your tongue. But the stench will remain as long as the hurt remains.

Here’s the thing. Once I knew the mouse was there, it was not easy to get rid of it. Yes, it was easy for my husband, (he’s a champion of a man) but I have zero desire to touch rodents, dead or alive. When we realize we have a hurt that can be connected to a certain person or event, it is not typically going to be an easy thing. Dealing will most likely lead to some sort of conflict. Not a fight per se, but at least a confession of a disagreement or disapproval, or at least tough questions. God’s desire for us is healthy connections with others. Love is His main game. He cares about the quality of the relationships we have and will always push us towards reconciliation versus avoidance.

Proverbs 13:5 reads “The righteous hate what is false, but the wicked make themselves a stench and bring shame on themselves.” That “false” thing that the righteous hate, may very well be avoiding the issue in our lives with our co-worker, family member, or friend, pretending things are fine when there is a dead mouse in our spirits with their name on it. I know I need to regularly take stock of what sort of smell is revealed through my words, actions, and attitudes. If you feel yourself consistently struggling with someone, most likely, you have a stench to deal with. God can for sure get rid of it, but a lot of the time, you are a part of the removal process.

Ask yourself, how do you smell today? Or better yet, ask someone you love and trust to help you answer that question.

Finding Your Fit

by Tim Howard

Back in 1982 a television show called ‘Cheers’ debuted and ran for 11 successful seasons. It displayed a pub where people gathered frequently and revealed a camaraderie that was desirous by all who watched. It was a place where everyone knew each other’s name and a place where people felt like they belonged and ‘fit.’ It’s something we all desire!

If you’ve ever been in a place where you felt like an outsider looking in rather than an insider looking around, you know what I mean.

Finding a right fit with other people is more complicated than finding clothes that fit you properly. If you are like me, you can go shopping for clothes and find the article you need and one that fits in a matter of minutes. My wife, however, will often visit 7 to 10 stores, shop for 7 to 10 hours and spend more than 7 to 10 dollars before she finds 1 to 2 articles of clothing that is acceptable and fits properly to her specific taste. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that - Just in case my wife is reading this! Finding a right fit in the clothing arena, however, is a lot easier than finding a fit with other individuals.

Why is it so hard to find relationships that fit us, to make meaningful connections with people? To find a place where you feel like you belong? Part of the answer may be wrapped up in unrealistic expectations. Here are 5 things you can’t expect if you want to find your fit.

1. You can’t expect everybody to like you. It’s unrealistic! St. John chapter 1 tells us that Jesus came to His own people and was rejected by many. There were some, however, who received Him and to those He began a relationship. Give people the freedom to choose without coercion, force, pressure or manipulation. You don’t need everyone to like you!

2. You can’t expect to get something when you give nothing. It’s unrealistic!  There are too many takers in the world. Life is about giving - not only getting. Ephesians 5:2, “walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” When you are a giver, you become a fragrance that attracts rather than an odor that offends.

3. You can’t expect to fit in by trying to be someone else. Even if you do find a place that accepts you, there will never be a sense of belonging because the one they embrace isn’t the real you.

4. You can’t expect people to embrace you when you make everything about YOU. People don’t fit because they often think life is all about them.  With one small exception, life is all about others. Philippines 2:3-4 “ Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as before yourself.  Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. 

5. You can’t expect people to care about you, if you don’t really care about them. The old cliché: “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” It’s true!

Your chances of finding a place where you fit like that which is portrayed on Cheers increases when you have expectations that are realistic.

Why not check out one of the many Church families in Kings County this weekend. You might find a place where you fit!