Riding The Line

by Candace Cortez

I have declared myself to be a crazy mom. Not because I get angry or lash out, but because my husband and I have decided to raise our kids how we choose, even if it puts us in a place where we are different than everyone else. Some of these crazy mom things include no screens during the school week unless they have spare time before school after getting themselves totally ready. We also do not use our phones or screens during meals. I don’t let them watch YouTube when I’m not in the room. Headphones are a hard no. And they can’t go to friends houses until I meet their friend’s parents. My son has never played Fortnight, and my daughter isn’t watching certain doll-oriented shows on Netflix. I force them to clean their own rooms and bathroom, as well as help me in the kitchen with both cooking and cleaning. They put away their own laundry, and are solely responsible for all cat duties.

This is just a snapshot of the long list of ways I have become a crazy mom. Sometimes, my kids love it. They experience the uniqueness of a family dynamics as a novelty and special. Sometimes, they can get trapped in comparisons and would prefer more freedoms that look like the rest of their peers.

These standards help our household run smoothly and help fight against the pull of potential obsessions. I want the important things to be given more time and space than things that don’t matter. There are reasons behind most standards, even if the kids don’t understand all of them. However, because everyone else is doing it, and they are getting older, they will often ask the question, how come I have to do is this way? After hearing our hearts as parents who passionately love them and care about not only their current situation but their future, they understand. Sometimes. Sometimes, they would prefer to negotiate with a more lenient line. For those particular issues, they tend to go as far as they can without breaking the line, and after riding the line for so long, they feel confident enough with my love and grace, that crossing the line is not a big deal. Big mistake.

I often feel this same tension in my own spirit. I see everyone doing a thing. Like speeding for example. I know speeding is against the law. But when every person on the 198 is doing 75mph, it absolutely feels natural to also drive 75mph. Does this make it ok? Does the quantity of offenders make the standard lower? Nope. But it gives me the feeling of justification.

As Christians, we have justified lying, ignoring the lost and hurting, and allowing our words (verbal or in print) to tear down other people or groups. We can easily justify this when everyone else is doing it. It just becomes a part of the noise. I have recently been convicted of how closely I have decided to ride the line to appear more like other people, instead of staying close to the standard set by my Jesus. This is partially out of convenience. Following Jesus’ way is expensive both in time and money. It’s inconvenient because it will not require my lazy attitude. And it is self-sacrificing because it will mean the needs of others are just as valuable as my own needs. 

Do you sometimes feel like we serve a crazy God? As if His way and standard are too high? Me too! And it’s true! We cannot live according to His will and way alone. We have to have His help. I am grateful for the covenant relationship, which means there is a mutual partnership in the process. He both sets a standard, and helps us reach it, and loves us when we fail. As a Father, I am looking for His heart in the standard not just His rule. As I understand why and where He is leading, I am more inclined to get off the line, and further into obedience.

Building to Code

by Andrew Cromwell

If you have ever built or remodeled a house or been a part of some other construction project, you have had the experience of having to submit your plans to the building department. You then waited (and waited and waited) while the drawings were inspected to determine whether they met code. If there were areas where inadequate engineering was done or mistakes were made, the building department made a list of corrections.

The process can sometimes be frustrating for those of us who don’t understand why so much time is taken to ensure that every detail of the code is followed. It can seem to create unnecessary delay and expense when all we want to do is to add a simple room on to our house or cover our back patio. But the building code is designed to create safer, more stable structures that are stronger, more energy efficient, and less likely to burn down in a fire or collapse in an earthquake.

By following the code, the final product is better. The code is like a recipe for a good cake. If you use the right ingredients and follow the instructions, you will soon be enjoying a delicious dessert. But if you get things out of order or swap the salt for the sugar, your experience will not be so pleasant.

Building strong families and relationships work in the same way. If our families are built to code, then they will weather the storms of life, but if they are not, they are likely to implode. We often wonder why our marriages aren’t working or our relationships with our kids are so difficult. Frequently we will blame the difficult experiences of life. We think, if so-and-so wouldn’t have done that or if we wouldn’t have had that financial crisis, then we wouldn’t have split up because of the stress.

But the problem is not the problem. The problem is the construction.

The good news about families and relationships is that you can start making positive changes at any time. Families are living structures and while you may not be able to fix everything in a day, you can make an incredible improvement in a short time.

What is in the building code of healthy families? Among many other things, I believe you will find: soft hearts willing to admit wrong and ask forgiveness, open arms ready to extend compassion and grace, clear boundaries communicating right from wrong, kind communication seeking to understand and not just be understood, and forward vision believing tomorrow can be better.

Families built on these principles can weather the storms of life. That is because the building code didn’t come from us but from our Creator. He really does know best and He always kindly offers us corrections that will help us get back on track. 

How are your family relationships? Perhaps there are some cracks that are warning signs of coming expensive repairs. It might be time to go back to the code.

Family Reunion

by Sylvia Gaston

As you read this, my family is in the midst of a family reunion that takes place about every two years. Cousins, aunts, uncles and parents converge on a local park and go about the business of reuniting, playing and eating. There will be laughter and tears and a bunch of little ones running underfoot. We will exclaim how our children have grown (especially mine) and ask for the latest details of each other’s lives.

For some, reunions are events to be dreaded, akin to the even-more-dreadful class reunions. Stereotypes of relatives are sometimes not so stereotypical – the drunk uncle, the gossipy cousin, the grumpy old man or woman, and so on. They are sometimes the actual reality of the crazy quilt that is your family.

 It seems that those of us who are involved in the planning of that year’s reunion often find ourselves in the business of inviting, cajoling and sometimes begging family members to attend. Yes, it can be an inconvenience of time, travel and finances. Not to mention the concerns of what awaits. Will everyone get along? Will I be uncomfortable around some of the people in attendance? Do I want people to see how I’ve aged or how much weight I’ve gained? So why do we put ourselves through this?

Family is important. No matter the crazy make up of your tribe, they are the fabric of who you are – for all of it’s good and even, all of it’s bad. The people you were raised with and grew up around all contributed to who you are. Hopefully, you adopted their best traits and traditions and rejected the things that were not so lovely. Either way, this process made you who you are. That is worth celebrating.

God places great importance on the family. He devoted much space in the Bible to talk about how to live in relationship with others. He specifically talks about husbands and wives (Ephesians 5, Proverbs 31), how parents and children’s roles should look in order to be successful (Deuteronomy 4, Ephesians 6), and how to love others in general (Proverbs 10, John 13, and basically, the rest of the Bible).

Make no mistake, reunions (big or small) with the assortment of personalities we’re related to are not always easy. It’s important to pray up and ramp up all levels of patience, grace, and tact. It’s important to minimize interaction with the relative that knows just what to say to rile you and to maximize your time with the people that feed your soul.

Taken to a greater level of selflessness, reunions and get-togethers can be an opportunity for you to pour generously into those who need it most. Words of encouragement, compliments and kindness can be your contribution. In addition to a great side dish, of course! Everybody wants to feel better about themselves and to feel they are valued.

Relationships are difficult, to state the obvious. However, we were created to live in relationship with our Father in heaven and with one another. Are you doing that the best you can? I know I can always do better.

I recently heard Pope Francis say, “Families quarrel. In the family there are difficulties but those difficulties are overcome with love.”

Coincidentally, our church is in a teaching series about family relationships but any church is a great place to learn what God has to say about living in healthy and loving relationship with others. 

Pray for me! I’m at my family reunion (just kidding).  J I’ll be busy encouraging and loving on the crazies who made me, me!

Family Ties

by Tim Howard

When I was born in 1951 the ‘Traditional Family” consisted of a married couple with one or more children living under the same roof and in the same household. The father was the provider who went to work while the mother stayed at home. Due to the major socio-cultural changes of the past several decades, however, a great diversity has emerged and now the traditional family accounts for less than 15% of American households.

In real life, in big cities and in smaller towns, a family unit consists of single moms, single dads, stepfamilies, boyfriends and girlfriends raising children, foster parents and grandparents giving guidance to their grandchildren etc. In real life, in 2017, families come in many different forms.

With the changing times and shifting foundations, it’s difficult for parents to know how to raise children. That’s why the Word of God is so helpful to those looking for priceless, ageless and changeless truth. His words about family development and instruction for children have not changed since their inception and still provide solid and sound directives.

In Proverbs 22:6, parents are instructed to train up their children in the way they should go.

Training involves three specific components:

The first area has to do with INSTRUCTION. Our children need to know the truth about God and their own personal identity.  Parents will help their little ones if they talk to them about God’s plan and purpose He has in-store for them. A parent will prepare a child if they honestly talk to them about life and death – The agony of defeat and the joy of success – the up’s and down’s of life and principles that will position them for success down the road. Talking to and with our kids will help them know they don’t stand alone.

The second significant area is EXAMPLE. Children develop in a healthy way when parents resist the philosophy that says: “Do as I say and not as I do”. Our children need role models who are willing to live out what they say; ones who show it first and then say second. We all make mistakes and fall short of perfection but living a hypocritical life with a dual standard will not produce the results we all desire for our children.

DISCIPLINE is the third component. Proper discipline will teach children the concept of boundaries and respect. When a child is guided and guarded by the parent, he or she feels a sense of security and safety, which in turn produces lasting results. Maybe you remember the term ‘Latchkey Kid.’ It referred to the children who were left alone to discipline and fend for themselves while both parents were out doing what they deemed necessary. It wasn’t a positive thing.

Throughout human history, the family has been the foundation of society. Strong family ties provide us with the love, security and safety we need for a fruitful life. Children grow into well-adjusted adults through instruction, example and discipline.

The days of the traditional family are long gone but it’s not too late to develop strong family ties. Whether you are a single mom, a single parent, a blended family or a grandparent raising your grandchildren – You can have strong family ties.

This proverb shows the way. It is not a promise, principle or precept but it has long lasting ramifications to those who practice it.

Your Health

by Tim Howard

It has been said: “You never fully appreciate something until you lose it.” You take certain things for granted, thinking they will always be present but then something happens. Things change and you are awakened to how grateful you should have been for what you had. Loss can stimulate this type of awareness.

You should have done this. You shouldn’t have done that. You ask yourself “why didn’t I see it?” “Why did I act so selfishly?” “Why didn’t I appreciate what I had?”

I often take for granted my health. At 61 years of age, I’ve never had a surgery and only visit the doctor’s office occasionally. I seem to have a utilitarian body! It doesn’t look all that great but it keeps on ticking and running like the energizer bunny. When sickness hits and I lose my strength, however, I awaken to a new appreciation and gratitude for a healthy life.

The Bible reveals God as our healer. He doesn’t eliminate sickness from our human experience but he does want to help us recover our health when it’s lost.

High on God’s agenda is emotional health, mental health and spiritual health as well as the physical arena. He gives five words of advice through Paul the Apostle in Ephesians chapter 4 that will help avoid sickness and release wellness.

1. Make sure you are connected to a healthy church family. No one remains healthy by isolating and removing themselves from others. Church families come in all sizes but don’t be fooled! It’s not the size that’s important - it’s the balanced diet being offered. Bigger is not always better and smaller is not always better. Better is better!

2. When you connect with others in a family setting, make every effort to walk in unity. This unity will require a give and take lifestyle. You can’t just think about yourself; you must consider what’s best for the whole. If you follow verse 2: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” The door to unity will open a little wider.

 3 Unity, however, is not based on conformity but diversity. Paul says: each person is given different gifts, talents, abilities, perspectives, insights, tastes and those differences are beneficial to the ongoing health of any business, group endeavor, organization, or church family. When people are allowed to be whom they are created to be rather than forced to fit some cookie cutter mold, your business will thrive. Allow for diversity yet insist on unity. It produces healthy people!

4. Truth is a good medicine when it’s given in the context of love.

Eph. 4:15 “… by speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up … .” An environment of love, acceptance and forgiveness, surrounded by truth will boost the morale of any organization and release an atmosphere of wellness.

5. Lastly, Paul tells us that everyone must participate. Do what you are called to do. Don’t let others pull your weight. If exercise is good for physical health then fulfilling your responsibilities will produce a healthy sense of value and self-esteem. Vs. 15 “As each person does his or her own special work, it helps the other people grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.”

If you’re not feeling healthy, you may want to consider making a connection with one of the many church families in Kings County this weekend? Follow Paul’s advice and your strength will return. You don’t want to lose your health, so appreciate it!

Family Responsibilities: Giving Up

by Andrew Cromwell

All of us come from some kind of biological family, even if we did not have a good relationship with them. We are a part of that family because we were either born or adopted into it. And membership in that family came with certain privileges and responsibilities. In the same way, those who are a part of the family of God also have “family obligations”.

Being part of the family of God is a wonderful thing. Membership is open to all who put the Father’s will before their own. And once we are a part of the family, we are given a new beginning. We are also given direct access to the Father along with all of His great wisdom and resources.

But we have some responsibilities as well. In my last column, I wrote about the responsibility we have to show up and be an active part of the family. This time, I’d like to talk about the responsibility we have to give up.

Anyone committed to his or her family will tell you that giving up is where it’s at. If you want a good marriage, you have to give up. If you want a lasting relationship with your kids, you have to give up. You have to give up your money, your time and your talents. You have to give up the need to always be right. You have to give up putting yourself first.

It is the same in the family of God. You and I must decide to give up and put God first in everything we do. In the Old Testament, the Israelites called this the tithe. The tithe was the practice of taking the first part of whatever income was received and giving it to God. God directed them to do this so that they would not forget that their source of supply was Him and not themselves.

It is interesting that today even large corporations are beginning to understand the importance of giving. Many of them do it simply because it is good public relations, but some do it because they understand that there is a principle of giving that is activated when resources are released rather then locked away and hoarded.

But it is not only money that we need to give, we need to give back to God in every area of our life. Doing so signals to Him that we are putting Him first in everything we do.  1 Peter 4:10 says, Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

When we put others needs before our own, we begin to look like the One who laid down His life for us. We also activate the principle from God’s word, Give and it shall be given. Members of God’s family are supposed to be the most generous people in the world.

This weekend, the pastors of Kings County would love the opportunity to teach you more about being part of the family of God. Why don’t you change your routine and get your family in church? You just might be surprised at what you discover.

Family Responsibilities: Showing Up

by Andrew Cromwell

Families are pretty important. They are the laboratories that prepare us for the world. In our families, we learn how to play nice and how to treat others. We learn the value of a dollar. We discover our identity—where we came from, who we are related to and what expectations we need to live up to.

Normally, we don’t get to choose our family and they don’t get to choose us. But once we’re in, we’re mostly stuck for life. The first years are spent with the family giving to us. Mom and Dad cleaned our diaper, fed us when we were hungry and gave us a bath when we were dirty. They helped us with homework and made sure that we learned our Ps and Qs.

Eventually, we started giving back. We mowed the lawn or washed the dishes, did the laundry or cleaned the house. We were expected to be a contributing member of the family. We learned about family responsibilities and how everyone needs to do their part.

Finally came the day of freedom, the day when we moved out of the house and struck out on our own. But even the most independent of us were still called back from time to time—required to show up for Thanksgiving, Christmas or other sundry family celebrations.

And no matter how good (or bad) your family experience was, there is another family—a spiritual family—into which you are invited. In the New Testament, in the book of John, it says, “to all who believed Him and accepted Him, He gave the right to become children of God.”

What an amazing invitation! We can be part of THE family! You don’t have to win the genetic lottery to get into this family, you simply have to believe and accept. And there are plenty of perks when you are a member of the family. You get to speak to Dad anytime, anyplace. You are considered a favored son or daughter and given an early inheritance. You can walk with your head held high because of this special identity. And that’s just the beginning.

There are some responsibilities we have in this family as well. Just like we are expected to be a part of family gatherings back on the home ranch, we are also expected to be a part of our spiritual family gatherings. These are times when the family gets together to encourage one another and to learn more about being a part of God’s family.

And, yes, just like at our home family gatherings, there are members of our new spiritual family that are a little strange. Some of the family members talk too much or too loudly. Some always say the wrong thing and end up offending someone else. But because they are part of the family, we cut them a little slack.

In case you haven’t guessed, I’m talking about church. It’s the time when God’s family gets together and celebrates. And if you’re part of the family, you’re supposed to be there! When you’re not there, not only are you not encouraged by your fellow family members, but you are not able to encourage them. There are times when we receive (when we are children) and times when we give (when we are adults). But no matter where we are in the continuum of life, we have a part to play and when we don’t show up, we are missing out.

This weekend, why don’t you come and plug into God’s family? The pastors in Kings County would love to have you join them. Sure, there’s some weird Nelly’s in our family, but there’s some pretty awesome Uncle Dave’s too. 

Family Responsibilities

by Andrew Cromwell


Being a member of family comes with privileges and responsibilities. Depending on what family you are a part of, the perks might be fantastic (think what it would be like to be a Rockefeller or a Walton) but the responsibilities might be rather serious too. Most of us are connected with a family. That family gives us a name and forms a significant part of our identity. And when it comes time for holiday gatherings or family meetings, we are expected to be a part.

The family of God is no different. Being a son or a daughter of God is full of wonderful privileges. Among other things, we get to spend time with the Creator of the universe. We are empowered with His resources. We are forgiven of our past and we are promised an incredible future. There are some amazing benefits to being part of God’s family.  

But just as there are expectations in an earthly family, there is also a part for us to play as members of our heavenly family. When we do these things we make our family a better place! If you want to be the black sheep of the family—no problem—but I tend to think that it is much better to be right in the thick of it.

Over the next few articles, I want to explore the part that we have to play in our spiritual family. My hope is that, even if you do not follow the teachings of Jesus Christ and do not consider Him to be the linchpin upon which the whole universe hangs, you will come to better understand this part of the Christian faith.

Next time we will discuss the responsibility to show up! You know you always make mom happy when you show up at family gatherings! It’s kind of the same thing when we show up in God’s house.  

The pastors in Kings County would love to have you join them this weekend.  It may have been a long time since you have connected with God’s family.  There’s no better time than the present.