Do You Want to Be Content?

by Sylvia Gaston

With greater access to other people’s lives through social media, it’s very easy to fall into the bad habit of playing the “comparison game”. Sadly, in this game, there are no winners.

If you have children, you’ve seen that they also compare themselves and what they have (or don’t have) with those around them. As a mom of high schoolers who are neck-deep in the observation of their peers’ lives, I realize how hard it can be to instill the value of contentment into your family’s life.

But, comparisons always leave us wanting more. And discontented is a horrible way to go through daily life. It can lead to depression, stress, and a general ugly attitude.

All of us have less than others. All of us have more than others. Do you tend to focus on what you don’t have rather than feel grateful and content for what you do have? When we become so focused on where our life falls short, we miss the wonderfulness of how great our life actually is.

Contentment is defined as a state of happiness and appreciation.

Contentment. You have to want it! You have to fight for it!

Developing a discipline of contentment is easier said than done – but it is possible. Just as we work out our bodies, we can learn to work out our minds. The battle begins there.

We can have great power over our lives if we learn to stay in control of our thoughts and actions.  There is a great book about this called, “Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer.

Here are just 2 suggestions to begin your journey on the road to contentment:

 1. Trade in grumbling and complaining for thankfulness and appreciation:

 Let’s face it, some of us are just in the habit of, or even addicted to, whining and complaining. We automatically see the worst in people or situations instead of looking for the best. When you catch yourself doing so, immediately ask yourself, “What is the bright side of this situation (or person)?” Turn your focus there BEFORE you spiral down that negativity tunnel. You will feel better about the situation, about yourself, about life!

2. Focus on and appreciate what you have. The antidote to discontent is thankfulness:

When we focus on what we don’t have, we completely overlook our blessings. I sometimes ask myself how I can possibly complain when I have health, love, a place to live and good food and water. And, yet I do! Tsk, tsk.

I have invented a mental game called “Kodak moments”. I remind myself to look around and take a mental snapshot of what is right in front of me (“click”) – kids who are healthy and have goodness in them, a husband who loves me and works hard, a job where I am valued, and a God who loves me, unconditionally – even when I’m not being very lovable! “Click”, “click”, “click”!

Another thing you can commit to in 2017 is to make an ongoing list of things you are thankful for. This can jumpstart the optimism in your brain and squash some of that Negative Ned (or Nelly) thinking.

God tells us in the Bible that we are to “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for  you…” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV)

Pull out the Bible and find out what God has to say about how we are to live satisfied and fulfilling lives. Or visit a church near you. We were created to be content.

How Old Are You?

by Andrew Cromwell

My wife is celebrating a birthday today as I write this column. She is one of those rare individuals that age twice as slowly as the rest of us. She also grows more beautiful and kind by the year. When I first married her I knew that I was getting the better part of the bargain. Four kids and more then a decade later, I’m still convinced marrying her is the best thing I’ve done apart from deciding to give my life to Christ.

She represents that special breed of people that are always thinking of others first and themselves last. I struggle with this because I am a chronically self-centered individual. I hear it in my response to people or in my inner talk all the time, including my own children. I am perpetually telling others how busy I am and how I have so much to do.

My prayer is that as I get older, I am getting wiser and thinking less about myself. I think these qualities are a much better indication of a person’s real age then the number of years that have passed since their birth. Just because someone gets old doesn’t automatically mean that they are getting better and becoming less of a jerk!

I am sad to say that our culture seems to be getting more selfish rather than less. It seems that we are more and more focused on the things that matter to us as individuals—our personal happiness, our goals and our work. We keep telling ourselves that “we” deserve “it”, with “it” being whatever floats our boat at the moment.

I think it is fair to say that children are generally selfish. As a general rule, they just come out that way. Half of the job of a parent is teaching their child that the world is not centered around them. We expect kids to be selfish, and we also expect them to become less selfish as they grow older.

But it seems that fewer and fewer of us are actually learning this important lesson. And so people walk around in adult bodies but still act like children. They still throw tantrums when things don’t turn out the way they thought they were going to. They still get their feelings hurt when someone doesn’t treat them just right. And they still demand all the attention in the room.

Meanwhile, there is a world all around us that is hurting and that we could help make a better place — but we don’t because all we can see is our own little world where all that exists is our own stuff. Our kids are begging for our real attention but we’re too busy to give it. Our friends are frustrated because all we talk about is ourselves. And our spouse is fed up with having to parent their husband or wife because they refuse to be anything other than a child.

So the question I pose is, how old are you? Are you just getting older or are you maturing? Are you better this year than you were last year? Make a choice to exchange your happiness for someone else’s every once in a while and watch what happens to your own!

The pastors in Kings County would love the opportunity to talk to you this weekend about the ultimate servant Jesus Christ. Why don’t you get your family in church this weekend and see what God can do.

Stop Trying to Be Happy Already

by Andrew Cromwell

Have you ever noticed that the more you try to be happy, the less happy you are? We do all we can to arrange our lives so our happiness is unchallenged. We avoid challenging conversations, side step important issues and generally insulate ourselves from things that make us uncomfortable. But even though we do all of this, we still find our goal eludes us.

Happiness makes a lousy goal. Think about it this way, if you are a parent and your goal is to make your kids happy...look out! You will be turning cartwheels all day long trying to achieve that impossible goal. You will buy them stuff they don’t need, taxi them to far too many places and ignore their bad behavior way too often. And all of this won’t necessarily make them happy, it will just make them spoiled, miserable brats.

If however, instead of happiness, your goal is to have healthy, well-adjusted children that leave your home and become responsible, contributing adults, you will treat them very differently. What you will discover is that they might actually experience MORE happiness because you give them stable structure, strong boundaries and a healthy dose of reality (like teaching them the world does not revolve around them).

We get this mixed up all the time. We forget that Father God’s goal for us is not to make us happy, it is to make us into the people He created us to be. It is not that we won’t be happy along the way, it is just that sometimes we need to be unhappy if we are going to learn the things we most need.

Please don’t misunderstand what I am saying. God does not get his kicks out of making you miserable, far from it. He is not a cosmic sadist trying to figure out a way to ruin your life. The truth is God will pretty much leave you alone to experience the repercussions of your own behavior if you want Him to. Let’s be honest, we don’t need God to make our lives miserable, we do a pretty good job of that ourselves.

But if we do invite God into the equation, if we ask Him to be a part of our lives, we can be sure He is going to keep on working with us all the way until the end. That is what the Scripture says in Philippians 1:6. He will use ALL of the circumstances in our lives to give us character adjustments and make us into the people He wants us to be.

So stop trying to be happy. Instead, decide to live out your life to the fullest in the way God has designed you. Invite Him to adjust you, you will be better if you do!

The pastors in Kings County would love to see you in church this weekend. And I’m sure it would make Father God HAPPY too!