Finding Healing

by Candace Cortez

I remember about a year ago, sitting at a Christian worship conference and listening to a known, followed, and respected pastor speak candidly about his mental breakdown the year prior. I remember sitting there in tears, so thankful for his willingness to demonstrate that mental health issues, anxiety and depression are not absent within our church walls. It is scary as a leader to admit that you are struggling. It’s even scarier to admit that you needed more than prayer to get you through your dark time. But for most people, this is truth. 

Recently a series came out on Netflix called “13 Reasons Why” which has caused a lot of talk (some may say controversy) over the explicit nature in which the series displays suicide. The show follows the story of a girl in high school named Hannah who ends her own life after many instances of bullying, sexual molestation, and situational tragedies. She then depicts her process of choosing suicide and the 13 people who were involved in pushing her towards her sad end. 

I’ve watched the series and as a youth pastor I am encouraging parents with teenage students to also watch the show, ESPECIALLY if their student is already watching. I do not however, encourage young students to watch. The show has earned its rating of TV-MA for its language, drugs and underage drinking, multiple rapes, nudity, violence, and a graphic and very realistic suicide scene. 

Now that that disclaimer is out of the way, I can write about what I actually want to focus on: healing. 

The Netflix series called 13 Reasons Why has brought suicide prevention to the table in a way that is being heard and received by so many. I do not believe the Church can sit this one out. We need to be in the conversation. Why? Not to gain momentum on another social platform. Not to gain favor in the eyes of the community. Not to prove that Christianity is the best way. But because love heals, and God is love. 

I believe faith is not the absence of awareness. Yes, we can pray. But we are not limited to just praying. We can do more. 

I wholeheartedly believe in the power of prayer, and that God hears when I talk to Him. But I also know He has not limited His process of healing to that one mode. As the church, we can be a part of opening the door to the several different avenues that healings manifest themselves. 

God can and does heal brokenness. Sometimes it’s the unexplainable type of healing. Sometimes healing comes through close friendship and intimacy with another of God’s creation. (I believe friendship is such a miraculous gift!) Sometimes healing comes from medicine. Sometimes healing comes from wise counsel. 

It’s ok to get help. It’s ok to seek treatment. It’s ok to pray. It’s to ask God for healing while also taking medication. 

As Christians, we need to be sensitive to the role we play in bringing light to the dark hours of the people within our circle of influence. Here are 3 simple ways we can begin to increase our sensitivity to those around us who may be struggling, so we can step in and take their hand for this journey towards health and healing. 

1.  Pay attention! God gives the gift of discernment to see through the faces people wear when they are in public. Most people will give signs that they are struggling. Some common signs are substance abuse, social withdrawal, extreme emotional responses (either too much or too little), sudden changes in appearances or hygiene habits and excessive internet use. 
2. Ask the question. It’s ok to ask one more question than “hey how are you?” It’s very easy to say ok and force the conversation to move on. Being in community with people means getting past the pleasantries and growing an interest for knowing others well. Especially if you suspect someone is struggling, ask and keep asking to create that open door for someone to reach out. 
3.  Know that you are not alone. You absolutely should be praying for those who are struggling around you. A lot of people who are going through darkness will need professional help. Most people will need more than one person to be in their corner. You are a great start, but should not try to carry the burden of walking alongside someone alone. 

If you are struggling today, I am praying for you. I pray that you know the church is available to you. You don’t have to be “whole” to walk through those doors, because none of us are. We do not have all the answers, but we for sure know the One who does. 

•   National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (suicidepreventionlifeline.org)
•   Suicide Prevention Resource Center (sprc.org)
•   American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org)
•   American Association of Suicidology (suicidology.org).

Candace Cortez is the Youth Pastor at Koinonia Church. Any comments can be sent to: candace@kchanford.com

Take Out The Trash

by Tim Howard

Recently while talking to a doctor friend about some physical challenges, we began to discus some of the systems in the human body which enable people to live a full life. It was fascinating to hear him share insights into the Digestive System, Respiratory and Circulatory System, Musculoskeletal System and Nervous System. He went on to explain the excretory system It is one of several major body systems designed by God to regulate the volume and molecular and ionic constitution of internal body fluids and eliminates metabolic waste products from the internal environment - In simplified terms, the human excretory system functions to remove waste from the human body. This system may be less glamorous when compared to others yet it too is absolutely necessary.

Don’t laugh! We all have waste. Every household has trash that needs to be removed and that’s true for our personal lives as well.

We all have some garbage laying around due to unhealed hurts, disappointments, painful memories, wounds, broken promises, broken hearts, unmet needs and unresolved issues. If we don’t have a systematic way to dispose of these items, problems tend to grow, emotional sickness often develops and Spiritual growth can be stifled.

Simply stated; life stinks when you don’t remove your trash. The system necessary to experience cleansing is revealed in 1 John 1:9. It says: “…if we confess our sins to God, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.”

When you confess your hurt, your needs, your sin, you bring it into the open. You quit hiding and admit to what’s really going on. You choose to reveal it rather than conceal it. In doing so, you experience forgiveness from God, a cleansing from the stench and a brand new start. In the same way you take your waste container to the curb on the proper day of the week so the waste management department can take it away, we are to bring our contaminants to God. Once a year Kings County gives each homeowner a free trip to the Kings Waste & Recycling Plant but God gives you free access to Himself each and every day.

What needs to be disposed of in your life? What have you been holding on to that is holding you back? Is there any hurt that is in need of forgiveness? Is there a painful memory in need of healing? Why not take out the trash?

The cross is the place where Jesus died for you. He dealt with your personal failures, sins, weaknesses and trash of all types. The cross is the place where sins are forgiven. The cross is the place where you can exchange the old for the new. The cross is the place where you can confess without the fear of being criticized or attacked. God can deal with your garbage! So take your trash to Him.

Why not visit one of the many Church families this weekend in Kings County. They would love to help you experience the forgiving, cleansing, healing and restoring power of Jesus Christ.

Devastated by Divorce

by Blake Cromwell

As a pastor I have heard many marriage-ending clichés like, "You would be better off without him," or "You'd be better off getting a divorce than subjecting your kids to so much fighting." But the reality is that most serious sociological studies reveal that these clichés are incorrect. There costs of divorce are very high indeed.

Judith Wallerstein did thorough research on the impact of divorce upon men, women and their children. Her research showed that ten years after their divorce, half the women studied were diagnosed as being clinically depressed.

Divorced men also suffer serious negative consequences. It is true that 83 percent of divorced men remarry but 75% of them will divorce again. The harsh reality is that divorce many times leads to more divorce. Both men and women suffer great emotional payments for divorce.

Divorce is also financially destructive for both men and women. The norm for a woman is that her standard of living will go down 70 percent.

Wife number two who has married a divorced man with children must work to help cover the bills for their family plus the child support payments of her husbands’ first family. This extra financial obligation complicates the new marriage and brings enormous financial stress.

Annually, 1.5 million children are subjected to the upheaval of divorce. Shockingly, one third of these precious kids never see one of their parents again after the divorce takes place.

There is so much emotional stress on the parents that many times they are not able to tune into the pain their children are facing. It seems everyone becomes disconnected and is left to fend for themself.

One study revealed that nearly half of the children from divorced families become involved with alcohol and drugs.

In the Bible God declares, “I hate divorce.” Malachi 2:16. This statement doesn’t say God hates divorced people. No, He hates the results of divorce on everyone who pays the high price of low living. God loves all people and seeks to help them.

Churches have a bad reputation of rejecting those who are divorced or who are in the process of a divorce. As a pastor it saddens me that those who are going through such a difficult time often cannot find the support they need. In reality most of the churches in the Kings County are seeking to strengthen marriages and to help all who are going through the negative results of divorce.

At Koinonia Christian Fellowship one concerned couple started a Divorce Care support group for the purpose of helping hurting people find God’s help in the midst of their pain.

Of course, our main goal is to be a pillar of support to all the marriages in the Kings County, but when a divorce has taken place Koinonia Christian Fellowship and other churches in our community want those who are suffering to feel that our arms are open in love and healing.

The Pastors in the Kings County invite all to come in for counseling before you go down the path of divorce. Please, for your sake and the sake of your children, take the extra effort to try again to make it work.