We All Need Somebody

by Andrew Cromwell

So much in life is outside of our control. We are reminded of this constantly. No matter how much we try to fool ourselves into believing we can manage, fix, patch around, or prevent the bad parts of life, we just can’t.

People get sick unexpectedly. Financial markets turn upside without warning. Cars crash and bridges fail. And festivals, like the one in Gilroy just the other day, become funerals.

When life is good, everything is easy. Things fall into place without much effort — relationships are sweet, there’s enough money to go around, and the kids put a smile on your face. But when things go wrong, suddenly what was easy becomes difficult.

It is in these moments—when your child gets sick, when your spouse tells you they’re not sure anymore, when you lose your job—that you need true friends. True friends are friends when things are good and when things are bad. Proverbs says, “a true friend is born for adversity.” In other words, when things get ugly, the people that stick around to encourage you are the ones that are your real friends.

And we all need real friends. We need real relationships. Not just casual friendships or acquaintances. We can know the name of 100 people but not be friends with any. Real friends know who we really are and love us anyway. They stick around when we have a bad day and get grumpy and they tell us the truth when we need to hear it.

Real friends also don’t happen by accident. Developing significant relationships requires time, energy, and effort. It is a two-way street that requires us to do our part too.

As a pastor, I hear a story repeated far too often. The story has many variations but the formula is always the same: ‘life was good and I got lazy and stopped doing the important things then life got bad and I don’t know where to turn.’

What I find most revealing about these stories is that rarely do people not know what to do. Nine times out of ten, they know exactly what to do. But they stopped doing it and now they wish they could turn the clock back.

And most often these regrets have to do with relationships. They stopped investing in their marriage. They stopped regularly meeting with good, healthy friends. They stopped building their relationship with God.

Relationships matter. They are hard, but they are so worth it.

What are you doing to maintain the critical relationships in your life? 

As a pastor, I have seen how churches can be a place where deep relationships can happen. But only if people make the effort and stick with it.

To Be Honest

by Candace Cortez

When I need a change of pace or scenery, I often try to find a place to work outside of the office. Coffee shops, diners, even a park if I don’t need WIFI. Sometimes this change of pace pays off and I am focused and productive. Sometimes I place my ear buds in my ears and get right to work. Sometimes, I forget to turn music on and I am sitting with my ear buds in my ears, and I can still hear all of the conversations around me. To be honest, I kinda love when this happens. Call me a creeper, but I love to feel the presence of community and I am curious about how people relate to each other and what topics matter and make relationships happen.   

I was sitting earbuds in when a couple was obviously on a first or maybe a second date. I have overheard a breakup. There have been friend fights and even some friend counseling. Mothers of young children get together and talk the challenges and tricks to being a parent. Conference calls, Skype sessions with mom, and even job interviews, all overheard at the table next to me.

Some folks people watch. I suppose you can say I people listen.

One of the most beautiful things I have heard is a group of friends, who have obviously been friends for some time, discussing the tough stuff. Religion, politics, social issues and marriage issues just to name a few. The most interesting part was not the topics of discussion, but how many opposing perspectives and strong opinions were represented within that social circle. A few were very Anti-President Trump, while a couple others highly supported our President and his decisions. One couple were involved in a specific denomination at church, while a few others had some strikingly different thoughts about practicing worship. A few of them had older children who were struggling and there was a lot of different types of advice given that actually contradicted each other, from tough love to total support.

These are big deals for a lot of people, and I have found that many relationships struggle to be honest when the topics present differences in opinions.

These very same topics are often the cause of many arguments on both social media and in other conversation venues. These individuals had found a way to be totally honest with each other without offending each other. I believe that extra element was love.

To be totally honest with someone, we risk exposing cracks in our relationship and in the character of others. This risk has created a general silence in so many relationships. The other option is to just not say anything if we disagree or see something in our loved ones that needs to be addressed. We sometimes make assumptions and instead of asking for clarity, we walk around with unknown misconceptions in our hearts. Sometimes we just need to ask the tough questions. We need to challenge our thoughts about tough topics. We need to hold each other accountable. To do this, we need honest AND love.

Not once did Jesus ever lie, by omission or otherwise. He also didn’t shy away from the things about life and relationship that were hard. The way the tough things like “go and sin no more” was received, was perfect love. 

Our love is not perfect. But it gets a bit closer with honesty with the people in our circle. Talk about the tough stuff! Share who you are. Give space for others to do the same.

What Direction Are You Moving?

by Andrew Cromwell

A very common question I hear is “How do I get closer to God?” I believe this is a universal question that everyone — teenager or adult, new to faith in Christ or long-time Christ-follower —  asks from time to time.

How do we get to know the God of the universe? How do we learn to hear His voice? How do we grow into the people He created us to be? All of these questions are simply versions of the central one. The good news is the answer is very straightforward. There are no secret handshakes you must learn, no special antennas you need to put on your roof and no codes you need to break.

The Bible lays it out very simply in James 4:8, it says, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” It sounds pretty simple and in many ways it is very simple, but then again, sometimes the simplest things in life can be the most challenging.

I believe it helps to think about this in terms of a relationship because, after all, we are talking about a relationship with God—not a set of religious rules and regulations that, if followed, make everything wonderful. Any relationship, if it is going to grow, requires time, communication and commitment. If you don’t give the relationship these three things, then you cannot expect it to grow.

When it comes to a relationship with God, we need to spend time with Him, talk to Him and be committed to His purposes. When we do these three things, He promises to do the same with us!

Anyone who is married or in a long-term relationship can pretty much tell you this list, but actually DOING the list is something entirely different. The question is not one of KNOWING what we should do when it comes to getting closer to our Father in heaven, it is one of PRACTICING what we already know.

If you are anything like me, I get distracted or lazy or busy or complacent, and before I know it the relationships in my life grow stale. I have to pick myself up, get back on the wagon and go back to doing the things that build my relationships.

The same thing goes for my relationship with God. At the beginning of the year, I’m excited and I rededicate myself to spending time with Him, reading His Word and getting around people that encourage me to do these things. But before I know it, I get busy and lazy and I find it has been several days since I last talked with Him and gave Him time to talk with me. So it’s time to get busy again doing the things that I need to do so I can get closer to God.

What do you need to do? How long has it been since you gave God a chance to get close to you by getting close to Him? This weekend, the pastors in Kings County would love to encourage you to keep your relationship with your Heavenly Father growing and strong. Why don’t you take your family to church? I bet you’ll find that God takes a step towards you the moment you do.