Just Be Fair

by Andrew Cromwell

Have you noticed our culture is obsessed with fairness? If you can get a group of people to utter the words, “that’s just not fair”, then any discussion on the point (it doesn’t even matter what point) is simply over.

And fairness is generally a wonderful value. It speaks of equal opportunity for all despite creed or color. It champions the idea that the world is a better place if even the least advantaged are given a seat at the table.

But fairness is not always what we think it is. We make the mistake of thinking fairness is being treated just the same as everyone else. This is what my kids tell me when they are unhappy one of their siblings was treated differently. They whine “he got 30 minutes on the Xbox and I only got 25!” One of my children in particular is acutely aware of the ways that he has been treated unfairly and is constantly looking for ways to even things out.

My son believes fairness is equality. But it isn’t. There are many times when I treat my children differently, not because I am being unfair but because they are different people. For one child, if I spend an hour just hanging out with them it fills their love tank. For another, that same hour doesn’t mean much, but if I give them a gift, you would think heaven itself had opened up. I treat them differently because they are different.

This sounds obvious when put in this way because we all know that everyone is different and sometimes fairness looks different in different situations. But we lose this truth so quickly. As soon as our personal feeling of entitlement is threatened, we immediately get an attitude and declare, “That’s not fair!” Suddenly we start to act as if the world revolves around us and we forget the bigger picture.

In the bigger picture, sometimes fairness has to take a second seat to other things. Jesus tells us a story in Matthew 20 that completely turns all of our notions about fairness upside down. There was a man who had a vineyard and who went out and hired workers to work the field one day. He went out in the morning and found some workers and promised them one silver coin for their day’s work. Then three more times throughout the day, he hired more workers and promised them a fair wage. At the end of the day, when everyone went to collect their wages, the owner paid everyone the same amount: one silver coin each.

Well, as you can imagine, the workers who got hired early in the morning and who had worked all day long started to complain. They said that it wasn’t fair for them to work more and get paid the same. The owner reminded them that they had agreed to work a day’s labor for a silver coin and then went on to remind them that it was his money and if he wanted to pay the others the same amount, he could.

How’s that for fairness! Jesus then closed the story by telling the crowd that there are times when God will move those from the back of the line to the front of the line and vice versa.  Why? Don’t miss this. Because He’s God and He can be gracious and kind to anyone He wants even if they don’t deserve it in other people’s opinion.

The point is this, God is willing to move people from the front to the back of the line in order to express His love to those who are waiting at the back. He will do whatever it takes to make an entrance for people who have given up on their chances of ever getting in to the party.

And if you’re one of those people who feel like you’re at the back of the line and you’re not sure if you’ll ever “get in”, then you remember this story. God wants you in the party too! No matter how late it is in your life, no matter how long you have waited to change your ways, it’s not too late to join the work party!

Friends

by Tim Howard

We all have friends, especially if you are on Facebook. At last count I personally have nearly 700 friends. That number would increase if I responded to all the requests from people I don’t even know. In saying that, I think we may need to redefine the term ‘friend’ because we all need them.

We live in a world that’s crowded and busy, full of activities, but people are still very lonely. We’re desperate for friends and there’s no better example than Jesus Himself who said, “No longer do I call you slaves … but I have called you friends” (John 15:15).

The more we become like Him, the more we become someone who others may call “friend,” because the best way to find a good friend is to start being one. 

The first quality of someone who is a godly friend is pretty simple. They are first a friend with God and bring people closer to God. In Mark chapter two, some men were carrying a friend who was paralyzed. They were trying to bring him in and set him down in front of Jesus. Someone who is a friend with God is going to usher you to God because they know God. If you want to be a godly friend, you need to be growing in faith and favor with God. If you choose to have a godly friend and be a godly friend to others – You have made a great decision.

One of the most important decisions or choices you’ll make in your lifetime will be choosing friends. Someone said you can tell a lot about a person’s future by looking at the friends they spend time with. I think that’s accurate.

The second quality of a godly friend is based on choice. A person who chooses to be your friend with no strings attached is a rare find. It’s not hard to find people who will choose to be your friend if you have money but when selfish, ulterior motives dictate the choices, something’s wrong. Jesus chose to make us His friend and He only had us in mind.

If you ever find yourself thinking: “I need better friends”, remember it starts with you! If you want a good friend, be a good friend. When you put others and their needs before your own you’re on your way to becoming a godly friend.

The third quality of a godly friend is that they focus on your potential. They look beyond your faults but don’t ignore them. They are willing to speak the truth to you because they want you to reach your potential. We all have flaws and we all make mistakes, but for some reason, these friends have the uncanny ability to look beyond that and focus on the potential they see in you. God does that for us and that’s what a godly friend does for others.

 We need friends like that and we need to be a friend like that to others. With friends like this, how can we lose?

Little by Little

by Andrew Cromwell

Some things in life seem to take a while. That doesn’t often sit well with our “instant” mentality. We have done everything we can in our world to arrange things so that we can get them quickly. I know this because of the level of frustration I experience when things are not as fast as I expect them to be.

When I have to wait in the drive-thru lane for more than five minutes, I know something’s wrong. When I have to actually go into the bank because I can’t do what I want either online or at the ATM, I know something’s wrong. When I can’t find a grocery or convenience store that is open 24 hours, I know something is way wrong. When the doctor isn’t able to tell me what is wrong with my body AND give me a pill to fix it (or at least fix the symptoms), that’s not just wrong it’s unacceptable. Oh, and most frustrating of all, when something is not available on Amazon Prime so I can order it online and get it in two days to my door.

The level of ease and speed we have become accustomed to in receiving our goods and services is incredible. We live in an amazing world and an amazing country. And I certainly am not suggesting that being able to obtain things quickly is a bad thing, but to have all these things at our fingertips tends to make us a little impatient when things don’t go our way.

Because there are so many things in life that are nearly instantaneous and effortless, we make the mistake of assuming that everything can be that way. But some things simply take time.

A little bit less than a year and a half ago, my seven year-old suffered a stroke that affected the right side of his body and his speech. When he first woke up from several weeks in intensive care, he couldn’t smile, he couldn’t talk, and he couldn’t move his right arm or right leg. The doctors told us that it would be a long recovery but that because a young child’s brain is so flexible that his chances of a full recovery were very good.

Eighteen months later, we are still learning the virtues of both patience and hope. There are days when we have been so frustrated, wondering if we were doing the right things. Some days we ask ourselves, should we be doing more therapy? Should we be pushing harder? Is it our fault that he is not farther along? And then on other days, we remember to look back to where he started and contrast it to where he is today. Today he is talking better and better and he is starting to catch up to where he should be in reading. Today he is using his right hand more than ever, sometimes even without thinking about it.

Sure there is a long way to go, but we are seeing that little things are adding up. We are learning that sometimes little by little is the best way because it teaches us to rely on God daily. It teaches us that we don’t need to have everything right this instant. We are reminded that sometimes it is better to wait.

But I would not be honest if I told you that we don’t still get frustrated. We still get impatient. We still would prefer to have everything right now. But then we remember what God told His people in Isaiah, “one line at a time, a little here and a little there!”

So the next time you are discouraged that things are taking too long, remember that sometimes the best things take a while! 

Holding Pattern

by Tim Howard

Once on an airplane flight from Los Angeles to New York I was reading a book when suddenly the pilot put on the brakes. I knew we were preparing to land but since we were still some distance from the destination, I wondered if something was wrong.  The plane felt as though it was turning because one wing began to dip lower than the other and very quickly I started to see landmarks I had seen before. I said to myself: I have seen that house before – that pasture before and those trees before. I saw them again, and again.  Then it dawned on me. We are in a holding pattern. We weren’t standing still, we were moving but we weren’t making any progress.

We are told in Numbers chapter 13 that the Israelites were in a holding pattern for forty years. They were constantly on the move but made no headway. They were going in circles – surviving but not thriving – nor moving toward the goal God had set for them.
God has a goal, a purpose, a plan and a destination for you. Paul understood this and committed himself to intentionally pursue the destiny God had ordained for him. He wasn’t intent on reaching his own potential but God’s potential designed specifically for him.

Here’s what Philippians 3 says: “I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.”

When you lose sight of the vision God has for you, you enter the ‘holding pattern’ syndrome. When you shift into neutral and begin to coast rather than stay in pursuit of your call – you enter the ‘holding pattern syndrome’. When you are satisfied with past accomplishments rather than intentionally move toward unreached goals, you enter the ‘holding pattern’ syndrome.

Paul refused to yield to this syndrome. He was in high gear. He said: “I am pressing on. I don’t have it all together but I want all Jesus has for me.”

He had great memories but unlike many, he wasn’t content to live in ‘The Good Old Days.’

Maybe you are in a holding pattern spiritually. You started on life’s journey and have made some progress, but somewhere along the way you slowed down or got stuck. You’re busy doing many things but making no headway.

Healthy people are not content with past accomplishments. They are aggressively pursuing God’s purpose for them. They seek to make more of a difference than ever before. They want more life and that life can be found in Jesus. John 10:10 makes this clear to those who seek the same thing.

Does that sound like you? Is that the group you are in or are you partnering with those in a holding pattern?

If you are stuck in a holding pattern, I encourage you to start breaking free and get moving again. It starts to happen when you say: “Jesus, I’m tired of this plateau – help me shake free from the past and move into the future.”

God has a lot more in store for you and your latter days can be better than your former days.

Persona Non Grata

by Andrew Cromwell

There is a term we use when people have done something unforgivable and we no longer find their company acceptable. We have borrowed the phrase from the Latin and it was originally used primarily by governments who were expressing their disenchantment with foreign diplomats.

A diplomat is declared Persona Non Grata when they are considered to have overstepped their welcome by doing or saying something that deeply offends the country where they are stationed. Generally, once someone has been given persona non grata status, their home country recalls them because they are no longer welcome.

The phrase literally translates as “person without grace.” Grace in this context means “approval” or “favor”. When a diplomat is in a state of grace, then they are granted the rights and privileges afforded to visiting state representatives. Generally this means that they are given diplomatic immunity and are allowed an even higher degree of freedom then some citizens.

Similarly, when we, as non-diplomat types, label people with the term, it is generally because of some offense that is so vile that they have become repulsive to us and we no longer consider them welcome. If we do have the misfortune of being visited by such a person, we tend to either freeze them out (by giving them the cold shoulder) or burn them out (by giving them a piece of our mind). These people might once have been our friends, but now they are the enemy.

Because we operate like this, we tend to believe that God must do the same thing. We imagine that God has a massive list with everyone in the world on it and next to those who have somehow failed, He writes “persona non grata”. Some of us are convinced we have those three little words next to our name because we have done bad things and we can’t see a way back into His good graces.

But God isn’t like that at all. Yes, He is a perfect God who is the ultimate dispenser of justice in the universe. He does see all of our failures and finds us to be woefully inadequate. But He is also a loving Father who desires to embrace us when we have failed. In a beautiful description of how these two characteristics come together, Psalms 85:10 says, “Gracious love and truth meet; righteousness and peace kiss.”

The place where the hard truth of our failure meets with the abundant love of God is in the person of Jesus Christ. The Son of God, Jesus, is grace embodied and God’s gift to us who fall woefully short of where we need to be. But for Jesus, we would all have persona non grata written next to our name; instead, because of Him we have been brought back into the good graces of the Father. Because of Him we have diplomatic immunity from the eternal consequences of our ugly actions.

This is why the author of Hebrews wrote, “So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”

So the next time we feel like we are persona non grata with God, remember that Jesus is on a throne of grace today and all we need to do to receive mercy and help is to come close to Him. He surely will not reject us!

The Power of Love

by Tim Howard

I love ice cream. I love my new puppy. I love the new car I just purchased. I love my wife or I love my husband – We hear the word ‘LOVE’ used in many ways and it seems to refer to a myriad of different things.

Sometimes I wonder if we really know what this word means. Is love merely an emotion? Is it a decision we make? Is it just words we express or does it require an action on the part of the one saying it?  If there is true love – shouldn’t it be seen in some way?

On Valentine Day the words ‘I Love You’ will be echoed by millions of people as they share some personal moments with someone they care about. Will those words carry substance or will they sound hollow?      
     
Many have written on the subject of love and the various applications but Paul the Apostle gives a concise and clear definition of this word in1 Corinthians 13:4-8. It helps us understand what God means when he declares His love for us and teaches us what true love for others really is.

“Love is patient – Love is kind and cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first! Doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure when truth wins over lies, puts up with anything, always trusts in God, always looks for the best in everything, never looks back and love never gives up.” 

41 years ago during the Valentine Day celebration I spoke these words to my fiancée: ‘I love you’ – I followed that up two days later by saying: “I, Tim Howard take you Donna to be my wife. To have and to hold – from this day forward – for better or for worse.  I promise to love you the same way Jesus loves me.  I promise to support you, cherish you, respect you, and to be faithful to only you for as long as we both shall live.”

At the age of 22, I didn’t fully understand the meaning of that phrase ‘for better or for worse’.  After 41 years of marriage to the same woman, however, I am beginning to understand that this is the true meaning of LOVE.  We have had our share of bad times!  We have both thought about quitting.  The word divorce has crossed our minds.  When we thought it couldn’t get much worse, it did. It’s laughable now but it was painful then. 

God’s love for us and our love for Him helped us grow in our love for each other. True love doesn’t run when things are difficult. It embraces both the good and the not so good and alters the outcome. What is meant to destroy will be used to develop.

It is God’s love, working in you that will help you grow stronger in the difficult times. It all starts with God’s love for you. As you respond to His kindness and His love, you will grow in your ability to truly love each other.

Your love for others in this Valentine season can be more than mere words. Your love can be powerful if you shape it around 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. God loves the world and his love is powerful! John 3:16. 

Three Nights in Paris

by Andrew Cromwell

Last summer, my family had the incredible opportunity to spend a month in Europe.  We traveled through Belgium and France and dipped into the Netherlands, Germany and even Switzerland. Since it was a family trip, we visited cathedrals and castles as well as water parks and zoos. The trip ranks at the top of our family experiences, except, that is, for our time in Paris.

Since we were staying with family, my wife and I had planned to leave the kids and travel alone to Paris for three nights. When the time came, we hopped on a bullet train and traveled at upwards of 200 miles an hour to the most romantic city in the world. We checked into a four star hotel (for $70 a night!) and prepared for a memorable mini-vacation.

And it was memorable, but not in the way we had hoped. Yes, we saw the sights—we visited the Louvre and saw the Mona Lisa, walked across the Seine on Pont Neuf, blissfully watched the world go by on a canal cruise, and ate escargot and rabbit in the 6th Arrondissement. We held hands and we walked and walked and walked (which is not optional in Paris). 

But most of the time, even while surrounded by the beauty, my wife and I were just not clicking. At first the disconnect was below the surface, but as the hours wore on (and as I continued to drag her from sight to sight), the tension rose until finally on the third day it all came to a head on a rainy Paris morning.

Right in the middle of the best vacation, we had the worst vacation of our marriage.  And while we have long since reconciled and can now laugh about it, Paris stands as a paragon of dark irony—the most romantic city turned nightmare (at least for the two of us). 

Have you ever had a vacation like that? Or maybe it wasn’t a vacation, but it was a time when you and your spouse were just not clicking and you were caught in a downward spiral that you couldn’t escape. Chances are, if it hasn’t, it will. There are times when even the best of friends get out of sync, communication breaks down, and feelings get hurt. 

Jesus said in Luke chapter 17, “offenses will come!” We should expect it. If we don’t, then we are setting ourselves up for some big surprises. The real challenge is not avoiding offense and conflict, it is being able to walk through it and come out better friends on the other side. 

How do you keep conflict from driving a wedge between you and your spouse? Here are a few things I’ve learned that may be helpful the next time you find yourself in a Paris situation.

First, be careful what you say. Watch your mouth! Proverbs 10:19 says, “Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” When we are hurt we tend to lash out in anger and cause more hurt. Don’t do it.

Second, choose kindness rather than coldness. You have a choice to make when things are going well, you can move towards your spouse or move away. Most of us tend to move away. We start to freeze our spouse out. Next time, instead of the cold shoulder treatment, actually choose to be MORE kind and considerate and not less. Caution: this must be genuine—don’t do it sarcastically or be passive aggressive, it will only make things worse.

Third, deal with the offense quickly. The longer you wait to ask forgiveness for your part (you know you played a part in it so go ahead and take responsibility), the more difficult it becomes to actually heal the breach. Many couples pursue the strategy of never actually dealing with the offense and instead simply ignore it and hope that it doesn’t come up again. But this failed strategy will only set the stage for a future, and probably worse, conflict.

Fourth, remember who the enemy is. The enemy is not your spouse; stop treating them like they are. Link hands even when you’re hurting because you want to come out of this lovers not fighters.

So the next time Paris comes a knocking, have a strategy!