Building to Code

by Andrew Cromwell

If you have ever built or remodeled a house or been a part of some other construction project, you have had the experience of having to submit your plans to the building department. You then waited (and waited and waited) while the drawings were inspected to determine whether they met code. If there were areas where inadequate engineering was done or mistakes were made, the building department made a list of corrections.

The process can sometimes be frustrating for those of us who don’t understand why so much time is taken to ensure that every detail of the code is followed. It can seem to create unnecessary delay and expense when all we want to do is to add a simple room on to our house or cover our back patio. But the building code is designed to create safer, more stable structures that are stronger, more energy efficient, and less likely to burn down in a fire or collapse in an earthquake.

By following the code, the final product is better. The code is like a recipe for a good cake. If you use the right ingredients and follow the instructions, you will soon be enjoying a delicious dessert. But if you get things out of order or swap the salt for the sugar, your experience will not be so pleasant.

Building strong families and relationships work in the same way. If our families are built to code, then they will weather the storms of life, but if they are not, they are likely to implode. We often wonder why our marriages aren’t working or our relationships with our kids are so difficult. Frequently we will blame the difficult experiences of life. We think, if so-and-so wouldn’t have done that or if we wouldn’t have had that financial crisis, then we wouldn’t have split up because of the stress.

But the problem is not the problem. The problem is the construction.

The good news about families and relationships is that you can start making positive changes at any time. Families are living structures and while you may not be able to fix everything in a day, you can make an incredible improvement in a short time.

What is in the building code of healthy families? Among many other things, I believe you will find: soft hearts willing to admit wrong and ask forgiveness, open arms ready to extend compassion and grace, clear boundaries communicating right from wrong, kind communication seeking to understand and not just be understood, and forward vision believing tomorrow can be better.

Families built on these principles can weather the storms of life. That is because the building code didn’t come from us but from our Creator. He really does know best and He always kindly offers us corrections that will help us get back on track. 

How are your family relationships? Perhaps there are some cracks that are warning signs of coming expensive repairs. It might be time to go back to the code.

Family Reunion

by Sylvia Gaston

As you read this, my family is in the midst of a family reunion that takes place about every two years. Cousins, aunts, uncles and parents converge on a local park and go about the business of reuniting, playing and eating. There will be laughter and tears and a bunch of little ones running underfoot. We will exclaim how our children have grown (especially mine) and ask for the latest details of each other’s lives.

For some, reunions are events to be dreaded, akin to the even-more-dreadful class reunions. Stereotypes of relatives are sometimes not so stereotypical – the drunk uncle, the gossipy cousin, the grumpy old man or woman, and so on. They are sometimes the actual reality of the crazy quilt that is your family.

 It seems that those of us who are involved in the planning of that year’s reunion often find ourselves in the business of inviting, cajoling and sometimes begging family members to attend. Yes, it can be an inconvenience of time, travel and finances. Not to mention the concerns of what awaits. Will everyone get along? Will I be uncomfortable around some of the people in attendance? Do I want people to see how I’ve aged or how much weight I’ve gained? So why do we put ourselves through this?

Family is important. No matter the crazy make up of your tribe, they are the fabric of who you are – for all of it’s good and even, all of it’s bad. The people you were raised with and grew up around all contributed to who you are. Hopefully, you adopted their best traits and traditions and rejected the things that were not so lovely. Either way, this process made you who you are. That is worth celebrating.

God places great importance on the family. He devoted much space in the Bible to talk about how to live in relationship with others. He specifically talks about husbands and wives (Ephesians 5, Proverbs 31), how parents and children’s roles should look in order to be successful (Deuteronomy 4, Ephesians 6), and how to love others in general (Proverbs 10, John 13, and basically, the rest of the Bible).

Make no mistake, reunions (big or small) with the assortment of personalities we’re related to are not always easy. It’s important to pray up and ramp up all levels of patience, grace, and tact. It’s important to minimize interaction with the relative that knows just what to say to rile you and to maximize your time with the people that feed your soul.

Taken to a greater level of selflessness, reunions and get-togethers can be an opportunity for you to pour generously into those who need it most. Words of encouragement, compliments and kindness can be your contribution. In addition to a great side dish, of course! Everybody wants to feel better about themselves and to feel they are valued.

Relationships are difficult, to state the obvious. However, we were created to live in relationship with our Father in heaven and with one another. Are you doing that the best you can? I know I can always do better.

I recently heard Pope Francis say, “Families quarrel. In the family there are difficulties but those difficulties are overcome with love.”

Coincidentally, our church is in a teaching series about family relationships but any church is a great place to learn what God has to say about living in healthy and loving relationship with others. 

Pray for me! I’m at my family reunion (just kidding).  J I’ll be busy encouraging and loving on the crazies who made me, me!

The 6:1 Ratio

by Tim Howard

My parents instilled in me a healthy work ethic that still lingers in my mind and affects the way I carry out my responsibilities. If you are like me, you may recall hearing similar statements: “No you can’t go out and play until you clean your room! After you pick up your clothes you may have dessert! When you finish your chores you can spend time with your friends!

Those directives were intended to teach me the value and priority of work. Work first – play second! The goal was good and right but something happened in translation. It actually created a faulty view of work in my own mind. I began to see work as a necessary evil – an undesirable obligation to perform and an obstacle to overcome before I could enjoy life. In short: It was something to be avoided rather than embraced.

I fear that attitude may be more prevalent in our society than we care to admit. Maybe the “T.G.I.F.” slogan reveals a philosophical shift of our priorities from valuing work to making play a more desirable focus.

The Bible tells us that God worked 6 days and rested one. That pattern is presented as a healthy way to live and promises more fulfillment if implemented. We were created to work and not merely relax. We were created to be producers and not just consumers. Granted, there can be an imbalance, which is captured in that little proverb, which says: “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”

God involves us in His work because He wants us to live with a sense of purpose and worth. Everyone needs something to do, someone to love and something to hope for. When you seek pleasure more than purpose, you alter the way you were created to function and do yourself a disservice.

I recently re-read an interesting verse in Philippians 2:12-13 that caught my attention. It instructs those who follow Jesus Christ to “work out” their salvation. The author instructs people to do more than get informed. He told them to get involved! Don’t wait for God to do everything for you but respond to His leading by obedience and let him do things through you! When you are willing to partner with Him, participate in His plan and share in the work – God’s blessings are unleashed exponentially!

Many people I meet seem to demonstrate an attitude that demands others to do something for them without any participation from them. That’s called entitlement! It’s an aroma that’s very distinctive in today’s culture. It’s seen in our expectations of parents, government agencies, organizations and even God. If we aren’t careful we can fall into the trap of thinking God isn’t at work while failing to realize the problem is our un-willingness to work.

It’s straight forward, not softened or watered down and some would even say it’s harsh, but the Apostle Paul gives this directive in 2 Thessalonians 3:10 “…we gave you this rule: Whoever does not work should not eat.”

Whether it’s picking up your clothes, cleaning your room, laboring on the job, working on your marriage or earning a living – the 6:1 ration will provide great dividends if done with the right attitude. 

There is no unemployment in God’s Kingdom. There is plenty of work for everyone. Work is not a necessary evil but the pathway to fulfillment.

Hey Moms, We’re Praying For You!

by Candace Cortez

There is a reference in the Bible, when Paul is writing to one of his favorites, Timothy, and he refers to Timothy’s grandmother Lois and his mother Eunice (2 Timothy 1:5) as being women of sincere faith, who passed that same passion on to their children. As a mother, I know this is the goal. Yes, my daily goal is simply keeping them alive (some days this is harder than others). My secondary goal is not emotionally damaging them by my own journey of growing up! But ultimately, my goal with parenting is to pass on my love of Jesus in a way that actually grows in the context of their own lives.

This is not easy. Mostly because I feel like the sand is quickly pouring through the hourglass, my kids are growing up, and we are losing the place in their lives as their primary influence. In the meantime, meals must be made, homework must be checked, and we have full-time jobs. We also have family to visit, social lives to maintain and holidays to celebrate.

I will be the first to admit, that I probably have enough time to do all the things I need to do, but I waste time doing things that I want to do or feel obligated to do. There are social pressures put on parents, on moms in particular, as our lives are on display. For generations, a mother’s success has been placed on the fruits of her children’s lives. Did your kid pass the test? Score the goal? Get into the good school? Somehow the pride we feel in our kid's accomplishments, manifests itself into pride in ourselves. Now that it’s possible to display every little win, not just the life-changers, the rush to win at things that aren’t actually winning is absurd. I should not feel like a failure as a mom because I spent 12 hours at work today while my Instagram feed is full of Saturday picnics. I should not feel like a failure as a mom because my kid came home with a not so 100% grade on a test, while my Facebook friend’s kid just got into an Ivy League school. Not every moment is a win. But every moment adds up. Sometimes we cannot appreciate the full picture when we are focused on this very minute.

So this is why we are praying for you moms. We are praying that you can honestly celebrate the wins in someone else’s family and life. We are praying that you can identify more wins, but do self-identify with either the wins or the loses. We are praying for regular and productive rest moments for you. We are praying that you would find confidence that God is involved in raising your kids as well…you’re not alone! We are praying for your marriages so that they will maintain a priority level in your lives. We are praying for those of you whose kids are far away, or not living well, that your relationship would be restored. We are praying for those of you who are a mom at heart but have never been able to have a child. We are praying for you to be able to pass on your love of Jesus to your children. We are praying for you because you probably are not praying for you enough. God sees you! And He loves you even more than you love your own kids. Happy Mother’s Day!

A Crisis Is Here…What Do You Do?

by Sylvia Gaston

Many people find themselves suddenly in the midst of some messy things, ranging from annoying inconveniences to full-blown crises. It’s not a question of ‘if’ you will find yourself there, but ‘when’.

What does a crisis look like? Here are a few examples:

•         Your car breaks down or is stolen
•         You lose your job or your financial situation is dire
•         You receive bad health news
•        Your child gets in trouble
•         A loved one dies or is very ill
•         Your spouse behaves badly . . . or worse
•        You find yourself a victim of a crime or interpersonal attack

The list can go on and on. What do you do when you find yourself in such a situation?  How do you think you will respond when a crisis rears it’s ugly head?

There is a saying, “When a person is squeezed, you see what they’re really made of by what comes out”. This means that who you really are is revealed in the toughest of times when you are put to the test, or squeezed.

If you squeeze an orange, you get orange juice. If you squeeze a tube of toothpaste, we know what will come out. What comes out of you when you are really squeezed?

People respond to crisis in a variety of ways: anger, withdrawal, fear, blame, questioning of their faith, self-medication, depression, to name a few. I narrow it down to two ways: you either crumble or you battle.

Crumbling is certainly the easiest. It takes no effort whatsoever. You merely succumb to the effects of the emergency, allowing the consequences to sweep you away in its path. However, that relinquishes all control and leaves you a victim. It doesn’t do anything in the way of developing your character, wisdom, or maturity. It sure doesn’t help you set an example or teach those around you, such as children or grandchildren, about how to respond appropriately in their own lives.

If you have a relationship with God, you already have a solid foundation upon which to do battle. God inspired an entire book of instructions and promises upon which to stand. It’s called the Bible. If you have chosen to follow Jesus, you have His Holy Spirit authority to take command and become victorious over your circumstances! Yet, many of us, either don’t know that or under-utilize that authority and wisdom.

When I meet with people in crisis, I pray with them and try to point them to God, who has all power and authority. I try to put resources in their hands to use as tools in their current battle.

I happen to have a Bible that has a great concordance in the back of it. A concordance is an alphabetical listing of words or topics in the Book. It lists a part of the sentence the word is used in to guide you to the right Scripture. You then look up those verses and, if they fit, begin to use them to guide you.

Many of us need to broaden our knowledge of what God says about the challenges of life and do battle in a spiritual way, rather than an emotional one. We need to take charge of our crisis and begin DECLARING what God says about us, Himself, and what is true!!

I challenge you to try this approach next time. It won’t make the crisis go away and sometimes it’s a daily, hourly, or minute-by-minute challenge. But, relying on God’s promises and declaring them over your life will carry you through your next big challenge in a more victorious and empowering way. It will also deepen your relationship with the most important Influencer of your life!

If you don’t know or follow Jesus, then that’s your first step. You don’t even have to go to a church to begin a relationship with Him. A simple prayer begins the most significant journey of your human life.

A – Ask God to forgive you of your sins. (The Bible states that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. –Romans 3:23)

B – Believe that Jesus died for all of our sins. (This is an unearned gift, giving us forgiveness and direct access to God through prayer and His Holy Spirit. – 1 Peter 3:18)

C – Choose to follow Jesus. (Matthew 11:29 tells us to accept Jesus’ teaching and learn from Him. He is gentle and humble in heart. And we will find rest for ourselves.)

A crisis WILL come. Will you crumble or do battle, relying on our Creator and Father in heaven?

I Believe In God

by Tim Howard

Everyone believes a multitude of things but some beliefs like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy are pure fantasy. While some believe in the fake, fraudulent and false, others believe in things that are real, genuine and true.

I believe in miracles. I believe that our future has not yet been written. I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love unless we put up a wall and YES, I believe in God! In a living God who actively works among us – Difficult to prove in a scientific manner – yet nonetheless true!

The phrase “I Believe In God,” can mean many things and just saying that phrase doesn’t mean you believe in the true God who’s revealed in the Bible.

The Bible distinguishes between many ‘gods’ and the ‘God of all gods.’  Within the 66 books included in the Bible, there is a myriad of people mentioned who chose not to embrace the true God found in scriptures. Time and again they are found to be in search of other gods. Why? Why do we as well, seek other gods?

Maybe it’s because we want a god who will do what we want when we want it and how we want it. Possibly we want a god who will tolerate our sin, ignore our behavior and allow no consequences. Could it be that we desire a god who will protect us from all the bad and provide us with only the good?  When the true God doesn’t yield to our demands – Off we go… In search of a god we desire to find.

When you make God into what you want Him to be, you create an idol and serve another ‘god.’ You break the 2nd and 3rd commandments and do yourself harm. Psalms 96:5 says: …” all the gods of the peoples are idols but the Lord made the heavens.”

Today we see many who have combined fragments of Christianity, Buddhism, New Age, plus a number of notions derived from personal experience to create an image that bears little resemblance to the God in the Bible. Even many modern churchgoers derive their understanding of God as much from popular culture as from the Scriptures.

That’s a major problem because no other god can rescue, deliver, heal, help or save you. Only Jesus who is the revelation of God to mankind can do these things. When we serve, worship, seek after or allow some ‘god’ to become our first priority, things break down. Jesus came to preach the good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, free people who are captive to addictions, find those who are lost and help those who are hurting. He is God in the human form. He and He alone is able to save.

We don’t live in a god-less nation. We live in a god filled nation! Many gods rule our land so be cautious when someone says “I Believe In God,”. It may not mean what you think – Then again, it may!

What Are You Passing On?

by Candace Cortez

I am a Navy Brat. We moved to Lemoore because of my Dad’s orders to NAS Lemoore. They have recently been redeployed and are now living in Florida. It’s been about 2 years since they have lived here and it has not been my favorite thing living away from my family. During a long visit this past month, I noticed many things about both my parents that I had not realized before. Little gestures, or sounds that I had missed during our time apart. Taking notice of these habits, I was shocked to see some of those same tendencies in myself. I know, I know! There are a dozen clichés out there about being the product of our parents and becoming your mother that just flashed through my head. I know I picked up my work ethic, my creativity, and my ability to listen to my parents. I suppose I just hadn’t noticed how many other things they had passed onto me. And now, my husband and I are currently passing certain things on to our children. Some things on accident, while others with specific intentionality.

In scripture, I recently read in Judges 2 about an entire generation who did not pass on the story of their faith in God to the next generation. I have been wondering about this since I read that passage. I wonder what kept the story from being heard. Maybe it wasn’t articulated well. Maybe the outside culture was louder and more convincing than the message of their parents. Maybe the parents were afraid of controlling their children’s belief’s so they watered down their passion and faith. Maybe the generation before had stopped living their faith in their real lives and allowed it to become predominantly ceremonial. Maybe they hadn’t figured out how to include their own children in the process when the miracles hadn’t happened for them. The maybe’s are endless.

Maybe we are doing the same.

I do not want to miss out on passing on the fire of my faith to those younger (either in age or in belief) than myself. God gave EVERYTHING to make sure the way for us to Him was possible. He gave His Son to die. To make sure people know that, most of the time, we just have to have some conversations. 

You may not have children. Or your children may be grown. Or you may not have a good relationship with your children. Or you may be a “child” yourself! But we are all called to raise up the next generation. Part of knowing how to show love and your love for Jesus to someone else means you may need to know who that someone else is. A conversation with the understanding of acceptance and love goes much further than those that are shrouded in person-less agenda. Here are a couple bits of data collected by *Barna on their research report on Generation Z, the generation of young people currently in Elementary, Middle, and High School.

•    Teens 13-18 years old are twice as likely as adults to say they are atheist (13% vs. 6%).

•    About half of Gen Z is non-white.

•    Half say happiness is their ultimate goal in life. For 43%, happiness equals financial  success.

•    More than half of teens use screen media 4 or more hours per day. One quarter report they look at screens 8 or more hours on an average day.

•    One-third reports being bullied online.

This is just the most basic snapshot. If you want to pass on something important to

someone, you may want to consider getting to know that someone. I hope I pass on more than my laugh to my little ones. I am praying daily that they catch more than even a value of hard work. My prayer is that they, and their generation with them, falls in love with Jesus in a way that is real, and life-changing. Be a part of making disciples in this generation! Get to know a person younger than yourself, and pass on one of the most important gifts you can ever give: the story of why you believe. 

*Gen Z: The Culture, Beliefs, and Motivations Shaping the Next Generation by Barna in partnership with 360 Institute