Who Are You Talking To?

by Sylvia Gaston

So much tragedy surrounds us – in our towns and in our country. We lost a community leader to suicide last week, there are natural disasters occurring and racial tensions all around us. You might also be experiencing a personal crisis or challenge at home, school or work.

Where do you turn when you need answers? Who are you talking to?

Usually, our first instinct is to turn to those closest to us – a spouse, a friend or co-worker. We discuss the burning issue and seek input and wisdom. But what if they have none? What if they feel as helpless as you do?

It becomes even more important to us to have answers when others look to us for direction, wisdom, and leadership. What do you say to your kids, spouse or friend when they ask you to help them make sense out of nonsense or chaos?

Who do you talk to?

You can talk to someone who cares very much about your circumstances. You can talk to someone who can provide wisdom and comfort. You can talk to the One who created you and me and this world and everything in it…God.

You may argue, “Why would I talk to God, who allows bad things to happen?”.  But, you see, God did not create our world to be like this. He created us to love and to love Him. God created us with free will and sometimes we choose wrong. To live in a world without evil and wrong would be to live in a world without personal choice. We have invited evil into the once perfect world that He created. In doing so, we live in a fallen world, east of Eden. Paradise has been lost.

But, He is still the wisdom and comfort we need. He can give us comfort and strength to make it through life’s hardships. He can give you peace in place of worry and faith in place of fear.

Jesus said, “Don’t be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me.” (John 14:1)

Talk to Him. You don’t need to have the words of priests nor the vocabulary of professors. Prayer merely requires a humble heart. Prayer is a conversation with God. He knows you and is longing to hear from you – either out loud or silently. He hears you and you can hear from Him – perhaps not in an audible way but definitely in your heart and mind. You just have to start talking and listening to learn what His voice sounds like inside you.

Where to start? How about with, “Hi, God. It’s me. Here’s what is on my mind. Can you help me out?” or “God, would you please help the hurting families?” or “God, can you show me what I’m supposed to do?”.

He hears you. He loves you. And there will come a day when God “will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, sadness, crying, or pain.” (Revelation 21:3) for those who are with Him in heaven. It starts with a conversation.

Who are you talking to?

Self Talk

by Tim Howard

Do you talk to yourself? You don’t have to fib, be embarrassed or hide the fact because all of us do a fair amount of self-talk. People might think we are crazy when they see us moving our lips as if speaking to someone nearby but I don’t think we’re unhinged. At least not all of us!

Truth be told: I even argue with myself and have been guilty of berating myself to some degree when there’s a failure to live up to my standards. I’ve learned, self-talk can be very helpful but it can also cause a lot of unnecessary pain if it’s not monitored.

King David talked to himself when he experienced a season of depression. In his discouragement and despondency, his conversation went something like this:

Psa. 42:5 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God—soon I’ll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He’s my God.

When you talk to yourself it’s wise to speak truth!

Secular psychology says the key to health is to get in touch with your feelings. If you are angry, sad, hurt, discouraged etc. then vent your feelings.  Get them out.  Unleash them. But that's not enough because feelings are not always true.  The Bible doesn’t encourage us to ignore our feelings but challenges us to get in touch with the truth.  Getting in touch with your feelings is one thing but it's the truth that sets you free. 

When feelings become our focus and are allowed to drown out the facts, our self-talk will move us in the wrong direction.

The truest thing that will ever be spoken about you is what God says. For David, his feelings said: Everything is terrible. There’s no way out, I might as well give up. Elijah had a similar experience to David and it’s recorded in 1 Kings 19. The only difference is he expressed his emotions while David spoke the truth.

Elijah said: Life is terrible, I’ve had enough, I want to die. I’m the only one left. That self-talk ensconced and catapulted him into a deeper depression.

David, however, spoke the truth to himself. I may be feeling down, it may be difficult, the darkness may seem impenetrable but if I call on God, he will help. This season will pass. I will see the sun in the near future and my face will once again exhibit a smile. Why? Because God is on my side.

The results? He built a staircase out of the cellar while Elijah dug a deeper hole. David wasn’t doing an exercise in positive thought and talk. He was speaking the truth – about God and about himself. 

Be encouraged to monitor your self-talk. Check out what is being said and see if it is fact or feeling.  Ask God to help you stop the damning, degrading and damaging talk that goes on in your mind. Ask him to help you change the way you think and talk to yourself. It will make for a path that gets brighter and brighter. Proverbs 4:18

Heated Communications

by Blake Cromwell

Communication breakdown is an oft-cited culprit in marital problems. If you sometimes feel your mate just doesn’t understand you (who doesn’t feel that way now and then?), maybe the problem lies in the way you talk. H. Norman Wright offers 10 tips for communication:

1) Be a ready listener and do not answer until the other person has finished talking.

2) Be slow to speak. Think first. Don’t be hasty in your words. Speak in such a way that the other person can understand and accept what you say.

3) Speak the truth always, but do it in love. Do not exaggerate.

4) Do not use silence to frustrate your spouse. Explain why you are hesitant to talk at this time.

5) Do not quarrel. It is possible to disagree without quarreling.

6) Do not respond in anger. Use a soft and kind response.

7) When you are in the wrong, admit it and ask your mate for forgiveness. When someone confesses to you, tell them you forgive them. Be sure it is also forgotten and not brought up again.

8) Avoid nagging.

9) Do not blame or criticize your mate, but restore them, encourage them and edify them. If someone verbally attacks, criticizes or blames you, do not respond in the same manner.

10) Try to understand the other person’s opinion. Make allowances for differences. Be concerned about your mate’s interests.

The Bible is the greatest handbook on marriage. Within its pages there are practical principles for marital harmony. In addition to these 10 guidelines, here are some scriptures worth reading and remembering: Job 19:2, Proverbs 18:21, Proverbs 25:11, James 3:8-10; 1 Peter 3:10-11.

Why not commit to memory these 10 guidelines of communication? Cut them out and tape them on your refrigerator or your appointment book. The next time you feel the conversation turning intense take the time to read through the list with your spouse and attempt to adhere to God’s wisdom in speech.

For more helpful guidelines for marital bliss check with your local pastors in the Kings County, they are opening the pages of God’s Word this weekend.