Family Responsibilities: Giving Up

by Andrew Cromwell

All of us come from some kind of biological family, even if we did not have a good relationship with them. We are a part of that family because we were either born or adopted into it. And membership in that family came with certain privileges and responsibilities. In the same way, those who are a part of the family of God also have “family obligations”.

Being part of the family of God is a wonderful thing. Membership is open to all who put the Father’s will before their own. And once we are a part of the family, we are given a new beginning. We are also given direct access to the Father along with all of His great wisdom and resources.

But we have some responsibilities as well. In my last column, I wrote about the responsibility we have to show up and be an active part of the family. This time, I’d like to talk about the responsibility we have to give up.

Anyone committed to his or her family will tell you that giving up is where it’s at. If you want a good marriage, you have to give up. If you want a lasting relationship with your kids, you have to give up. You have to give up your money, your time and your talents. You have to give up the need to always be right. You have to give up putting yourself first.

It is the same in the family of God. You and I must decide to give up and put God first in everything we do. In the Old Testament, the Israelites called this the tithe. The tithe was the practice of taking the first part of whatever income was received and giving it to God. God directed them to do this so that they would not forget that their source of supply was Him and not themselves.

It is interesting that today even large corporations are beginning to understand the importance of giving. Many of them do it simply because it is good public relations, but some do it because they understand that there is a principle of giving that is activated when resources are released rather then locked away and hoarded.

But it is not only money that we need to give, we need to give back to God in every area of our life. Doing so signals to Him that we are putting Him first in everything we do.  1 Peter 4:10 says, Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

When we put others needs before our own, we begin to look like the One who laid down His life for us. We also activate the principle from God’s word, Give and it shall be given. Members of God’s family are supposed to be the most generous people in the world.

This weekend, the pastors of Kings County would love the opportunity to teach you more about being part of the family of God. Why don’t you change your routine and get your family in church? You just might be surprised at what you discover.

Where Should You Sit?

by Tim Howard

I was born into a family of 7 children. It was back when families practiced the great tradition of eating together at least one meal a day. For us it was ‘Dinner.”

Even though the meals varied, the routine of finding a chair remained the same: When the call came from our mother to gather around the table our dad would assign chairs. Donna, you sit in that chair. Beverly you’ll be over there, Mom will be here… and so on until everyone had his or her designated seat.

That might be the reason I still wait to be seated when I’m invited to someone’s house for dinner. I pause and allow them to tell me where to sit.

Jesus addressed this issue in the book of Luke, chapter 14: 7 – 9, “When Jesus noticed that all who had come to the dinner were trying to sit near the head of the table, he gave them this advice:  “If you are invited to a wedding feast, don’t always head for the best seat. What if someone more respected than you has also been invited? The host will say, ‘Let this person sit here instead.’ Then you will be embarrassed and will have to take whatever seat is left at the foot of the table!”

You can imagine the awkwardness, chagrin and embarrassment a person might feel if they chose the wrong chair and experienced this.

In 1 John 2:13, the Apostle identifies 3 life stages and there’s a chair for each stage. A chair for Children, Adolescents and Adults

The High Chair is a symbol of childhood. We’ve all had to sit there! The chair is constructed to keep children confined to a restricted area because it helps to manage the mess. Children are a gift from the Lord but they can be very messy not to mention they whine, complain and pout like none other. One of the main characteristics of childhood is the need to be fed. They are dependent. Infants cannot make their own food or feed themselves and toddlers can’t feed themselves with any notable skill.

The chair for adolescents is a step toward growing-up. When a child transitions into this chair they are able to prepare their own food and they are able to feed themselves efficiently. It’s a stage in life where more freedom is given. Along with that freedom, however, is responsibility. That may be one reason why some people don’t want to grow up. They want the freedom and privileges but not the duties and responsibilities.

The last chair around the table is the Adult chair. The Adults can make their own food and eat without assistance but are also committed to mentoring others due to their maturity. The world needs more of these adults.

Here’s the problem. People are sitting in the wrong chair!

God wants us to change chairs as we move toward maturity.  If you are a child it’s ok to sit in a high chair but if you’re a 20 something and still acting like a baby - something is wrong! It’s equally disturbing to see children trying to sit in the chair of an adult; taking control of their lives with no desire to listen to those who actually do sit in the adult chairs. To be healthy, you must identify the chair you are currently sitting in and then you can plot a path to the next chair.

What chair are you sitting in? What chair should you be sitting in?  God is calling us to grow up!

Family Responsibilities: Showing Up

by Andrew Cromwell

Families are pretty important. They are the laboratories that prepare us for the world. In our families, we learn how to play nice and how to treat others. We learn the value of a dollar. We discover our identity—where we came from, who we are related to and what expectations we need to live up to.

Normally, we don’t get to choose our family and they don’t get to choose us. But once we’re in, we’re mostly stuck for life. The first years are spent with the family giving to us. Mom and Dad cleaned our diaper, fed us when we were hungry and gave us a bath when we were dirty. They helped us with homework and made sure that we learned our Ps and Qs.

Eventually, we started giving back. We mowed the lawn or washed the dishes, did the laundry or cleaned the house. We were expected to be a contributing member of the family. We learned about family responsibilities and how everyone needs to do their part.

Finally came the day of freedom, the day when we moved out of the house and struck out on our own. But even the most independent of us were still called back from time to time—required to show up for Thanksgiving, Christmas or other sundry family celebrations.

And no matter how good (or bad) your family experience was, there is another family—a spiritual family—into which you are invited. In the New Testament, in the book of John, it says, “to all who believed Him and accepted Him, He gave the right to become children of God.”

What an amazing invitation! We can be part of THE family! You don’t have to win the genetic lottery to get into this family, you simply have to believe and accept. And there are plenty of perks when you are a member of the family. You get to speak to Dad anytime, anyplace. You are considered a favored son or daughter and given an early inheritance. You can walk with your head held high because of this special identity. And that’s just the beginning.

There are some responsibilities we have in this family as well. Just like we are expected to be a part of family gatherings back on the home ranch, we are also expected to be a part of our spiritual family gatherings. These are times when the family gets together to encourage one another and to learn more about being a part of God’s family.

And, yes, just like at our home family gatherings, there are members of our new spiritual family that are a little strange. Some of the family members talk too much or too loudly. Some always say the wrong thing and end up offending someone else. But because they are part of the family, we cut them a little slack.

In case you haven’t guessed, I’m talking about church. It’s the time when God’s family gets together and celebrates. And if you’re part of the family, you’re supposed to be there! When you’re not there, not only are you not encouraged by your fellow family members, but you are not able to encourage them. There are times when we receive (when we are children) and times when we give (when we are adults). But no matter where we are in the continuum of life, we have a part to play and when we don’t show up, we are missing out.

This weekend, why don’t you come and plug into God’s family? The pastors in Kings County would love to have you join them. Sure, there’s some weird Nelly’s in our family, but there’s some pretty awesome Uncle Dave’s too. 

Finding Your Fit

by Tim Howard

Back in 1982 a television show called ‘Cheers’ debuted and ran for 11 successful seasons. It displayed a pub where people gathered frequently and revealed a camaraderie that was desirous by all who watched. It was a place where everyone knew each other’s name and a place where people felt like they belonged and ‘fit.’ It’s something we all desire!

If you’ve ever been in a place where you felt like an outsider looking in rather than an insider looking around, you know what I mean.

Finding a right fit with other people is more complicated than finding clothes that fit you properly. If you are like me, you can go shopping for clothes and find the article you need and one that fits in a matter of minutes. My wife, however, will often visit 7 to 10 stores, shop for 7 to 10 hours and spend more than 7 to 10 dollars before she finds 1 to 2 articles of clothing that is acceptable and fits properly to her specific taste. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that - Just in case my wife is reading this! Finding a right fit in the clothing arena, however, is a lot easier than finding a fit with other individuals.

Why is it so hard to find relationships that fit us, to make meaningful connections with people? To find a place where you feel like you belong? Part of the answer may be wrapped up in unrealistic expectations. Here are 5 things you can’t expect if you want to find your fit.

1. You can’t expect everybody to like you. It’s unrealistic! St. John chapter 1 tells us that Jesus came to His own people and was rejected by many. There were some, however, who received Him and to those He began a relationship. Give people the freedom to choose without coercion, force, pressure or manipulation. You don’t need everyone to like you!

2. You can’t expect to get something when you give nothing. It’s unrealistic!  There are too many takers in the world. Life is about giving - not only getting. Ephesians 5:2, “walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” When you are a giver, you become a fragrance that attracts rather than an odor that offends.

3. You can’t expect to fit in by trying to be someone else. Even if you do find a place that accepts you, there will never be a sense of belonging because the one they embrace isn’t the real you.

4. You can’t expect people to embrace you when you make everything about YOU. People don’t fit because they often think life is all about them.  With one small exception, life is all about others. Philippines 2:3-4 “ Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as before yourself.  Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. 

5. You can’t expect people to care about you, if you don’t really care about them. The old cliché: “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” It’s true!

Your chances of finding a place where you fit like that which is portrayed on Cheers increases when you have expectations that are realistic.

Why not check out one of the many Church families in Kings County this weekend. You might find a place where you fit!

Family Responsibilities

by Andrew Cromwell


Being a member of family comes with privileges and responsibilities. Depending on what family you are a part of, the perks might be fantastic (think what it would be like to be a Rockefeller or a Walton) but the responsibilities might be rather serious too. Most of us are connected with a family. That family gives us a name and forms a significant part of our identity. And when it comes time for holiday gatherings or family meetings, we are expected to be a part.

The family of God is no different. Being a son or a daughter of God is full of wonderful privileges. Among other things, we get to spend time with the Creator of the universe. We are empowered with His resources. We are forgiven of our past and we are promised an incredible future. There are some amazing benefits to being part of God’s family.  

But just as there are expectations in an earthly family, there is also a part for us to play as members of our heavenly family. When we do these things we make our family a better place! If you want to be the black sheep of the family—no problem—but I tend to think that it is much better to be right in the thick of it.

Over the next few articles, I want to explore the part that we have to play in our spiritual family. My hope is that, even if you do not follow the teachings of Jesus Christ and do not consider Him to be the linchpin upon which the whole universe hangs, you will come to better understand this part of the Christian faith.

Next time we will discuss the responsibility to show up! You know you always make mom happy when you show up at family gatherings! It’s kind of the same thing when we show up in God’s house.  

The pastors in Kings County would love to have you join them this weekend.  It may have been a long time since you have connected with God’s family.  There’s no better time than the present.

Taking Care of the Environment

by Tim Howard

I‘ve followed several great men and women over my years and have been helped greatly by them in the process of maturity. They led in such a way as to elicit from me loyalty, faithfulness, a willingness to sacrifice and a strong desire to follow them.

How do you develop a team that people want to play on? A better way of putting it might be to reword the question. How do you become a leader people want to follow?

One key word is “Environment.” We all create a certain environment, atmosphere or aura if you will, that other people can see, sense and react to. How many of you find yourself rejoicing when a certain co-worker calls the office to say they won’t be in on a specific day? Be honest!  You rejoice when they are not present because they create an environment that’s not very pleasant. The opposite is true also. We miss someone because they create an atmosphere that is enjoyable.

A sign I recently read said: “All people bring me joy, some when they come and others when they leave.” That sums it up.

A good atmosphere or a good environment keeps the morale high and when the morale is high, people want to follow you. They look forward to playing on the team. Your goal and greatest challenge as a leader is not merely to complete a task but create an environment conducive to growth.

Here’s 4 ways to destroy a good atmosphere on the job, in the home, at the school, in a meeting and a myriad of other places.

1.               COMPARE people with others rather than ACCEPT them on their own merits. When you do, an environment of favoritism flourishes.  Jacob did this in Genesis Chapter 37. He loved one son more than the others and the family hated the climate this created. Whenever you compare people, you value one above the other.

2.              The environment drastically changes when you CRITICIZE people more than COMPLEMENT them. How many of you would admit: When the boss asks you to step into his office, the first thing to go through your mind is this question: “What Did I Do Wrong?” Focusing on the good and giving some praise now and then can build the morale and create a positive attitude.       

3.              TALK TO people and not COMMUNICATE WITH them. You will see how quickly things deteriorate. You can talk AT people, TO people or WITH people and it’s best to talk with them.                                                                                                                                                                   

4.              COMPLAIN about everything but don’t CHANGE anything. People don’t want to follow a leader who chooses not to deal with the ‘elephant’ in the room.

God’s looking for leaders who will accept others on His terms and not their own. Leaders who will focus on the positive and give praise regularly rather than criticize continually. Ones who communicate with people and love people enough to correct a wrong.

Why not check out one of the many church families in Kings County this weekend. You just might find an environment you can enjoy.

Solving Problems

by Andrew Cromwell

One of life’s most important skills is the ability to solve problems. Why? People have and always will have problems. Truth is, problems and challenges for human beings are like water to a fish. Without them we cease being who we were created to be.

The next time you begin to think life would be so much better without any of your problems, remind yourself of the youngster who came across an old man sitting on a bench looking lonely and depressed. He asked the old man, “What is life’s heaviest burden?” The old man sadly replied, “Having no burden at all.”

Am I suggesting that every problem is a wonderful thing? Of course not! Many of our problems are caused by our own stupid behavior and decisions. In a letter to Timothy, Paul writes “because of the love of money...many have pierced themselves with sorrows.” Many of us have created for ourselves serious problems because we haven’t been able to say “no” to the “I want” bug.

But every problem—whether created by our own selfishness, by the actions of someone else or simply by the very nature of our broken world—can also be seen as opportunities. Problems present opportunities for personal growth. They also give us opportunities for advancement at home and at work. The quickest ways to gain favor is to fix a problem!

Just remember, not every problem can be fixed. Sometimes we fail to differentiate between a problem and a fact of life. We then spend way too much time trying to fix something that is just the way things are. Your mother-in-law is just your mother-in-law; don’t expect that you can transform her into something else! Please note, this does not apply to my mother-in-law, just yours.

And don’t waste time fixing problems that don’t make a difference. Don’t polish the brass on a sinking ship. Focus instead on things that really matter. My guess is that there are a few key problems that you have in your life. These problems are big ones—they involve relationships or deep financial issues or both. These things are not easily fixed. But if you begin to address these issues effectively, your whole life will move in a positive direction.

We all face huge challenges in life. The good news is, we also have a Father in heaven who is bigger than any of them and He wants to help. He wants His children to experience life at its fullest. The question for each of us is, do we want His help?

This weekend, the pastors in Kings County would love to speak to you about the resources God has for you. So when you begin to face down those problems that keep you awake at night, you’ve got Somebody big standing next to you!