Advice for Fathers

by Tim Howard

The Bible gives some great advice for all fathers in all places. Fathers have a tremendous influence in the lives of their children and God designed it that way. A father who chooses to be an absentee dad, for whatever reason weakens the very fabric that stabilizes the family unit. A dad’s actions speak loudly and his words carry tremendous weight when they are guarded and guided by time-tested truth.

A first word of advice comes from a man named Moses. He was adopted by a wealthy family but after being reunited with his family of origin and becoming a father himself, said these words to all future dads: Deut. 4:9 “… be careful and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”

Great fathers can’t afford to live by this motto: “Do as I say and not as I do.” If you are going to teach something that’s worth accepting and following then be careful to follow your own advice. Kids can spot a phony and when someone isn’t practicing what they preach – It’s noticeable.

Make sure, Moses says, to watch over your own lifestyle and choices in order to impact your family because teaching children is more than conveying information.

You don’t merely pass on information but teach the experiences God has used to shape your life. You teach what you know but you reproduce who you are.

 Train up a child in the way he or she should go and when old age comes he or she will not lose sight of it. A second word of advice from King Solomon is a proverb and even though there is no guarantee, there is a promise. Kids are not always going to follow good advice but if they choose to stray, the training received from childhood can help greatly.

 When kids find themselves lost or stuck in the difficulties of life, they won’t know what to do or where to go if a moral compass hasn’t been planted within them. Parents and fathers especially have a great opportunity to plant this moral compass by training their children in the ways of the Lord. Don’t merely tell your kids what to do, coach them show them. It takes more time to train rather than tell but it is worth it in the long run.

A third word of advice to fathers comes from the New Testament. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger…”

As a father myself I unknowingly provoked my kids at times but learned some things along the way that’s helped me change. A dad can provoke his children to the point of frustration and anger if he chooses to dictate everything and discuss nothing! Making his view the right and only view will surely infuriate kids. Trying to fix your children without really listening to them or making ‘Dad’s’ rules more important than relationships doesn’t help very much either.

Dads! As we celebrate Fathers this weekend, remember the advice God gives in his Word. It will make a good father into a great father.

When You Have a Bad Day

by Andrew Cromwell

A bad day is when things in your life are turned upside down and you don’t know if you are going to be able to make it to tomorrow. On bad days we lose our job or a loved one dies. On bad days everything else in life stops because you get the worst news of your life. Everyone has bad days, and if you are fortunate to not have had one, chances are pretty good you will have one before too long.

Bad days happen for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes they happen because you made a decision that had negative consequences. Sometimes they are caused by other people making a terrible choice. Sometimes there’s no one to point the finger at when things happen with seemingly no rhyme or reason, it’s just because we live in a fallen world that is broken and full of sin and darkness. And sometimes bad days happen because we have an enemy—Scripture says that he prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour—who is looking for an opportunity to wreak havoc in our lives.

How do you respond when you have a bad day? Some people fall apart. Some people scream. Some people go deep and hide. But there are some people who seem to be able to walk through those difficult days and come out on the other side better. Instead of being destroyed, they are strengthened.

How do we become like these people? I believe the Bible gives us some wonderful keys for how to make it through a bad day. You can see these in the story of David found in 1 Samuel 30. That chapter recounts a day when David lost just about everything that was valuable to him in life—his family, his possessions and his home.

The first thing that David did, and that we need to do when a bad day happens in our life, is that he cried. Go ahead and cry! Don’t skip this step because you’re trying to be strong. Let the tears flow, but remember to turn your tears into a prayer. Scripture says that Jesus Himself “offered up prayer and petitions with loud cries and tears to the One who could save Him.” We would do well to follow Jesus’ example.

After we cry, or even while we are still crying, it is important that we don’t miss step two in this process. Step two is: don’t get bitter. How many times have you seen people move from mourning to blaming in the space of a single breath? There is something in all of our hearts that wants to point the finger of blame at someone and say “you did it!” Sometimes that someone is a fellow human and sometimes that someone is God Himself. Either way, when we allow ourselves to play the blame game we become bitter and resentful. 

When you are bitter, it changes your whole outlook on life. You become jaded and sarcastic. You can’t enjoy life and you certainly can’t enjoy anything about the person you are bitter against (this is pretty rough when the person you are bitter against is God Himself!). I have heard it said, “bitterness is a poison you drink, hoping the other person will die.” 

The antidote to bitterness is forgiveness. It’s the only cure I know. It’s the only cure that works. Forgiveness may not change the situation, but it sure will change you and your heart. It will free you from the chains that you have wrapped around your heart and you just might be able to move on from that point of pain and step into the next phase of your life.

Next time we will look at the three other steps to dealing with a bad day: encourage yourself in God, get a word from God and fight back. Until then, make a decision not to let the worst day of your life become your end, instead make it an opportunity for a new beginning.

When Temptation Comes Knocking

by Tim Howard

Oscar Wilde said: “I can resist anything except temptation.” I can relate! How about you? You’ve got to remember, when it comes knocking on your door you don’t have to open it!

Unfortunately, that’s easier said than done. Closing the door to temptation can be daunting. If you always say ‘yes’ to temptation then you have yet to realize the level of difficulty. Only those who try to resist know how strong it is. 

Too often we think of temptation as being enticed to do big things like stealing, murdering or committing adultery. But most often we're tempted to be impatient, stingy, jealous, greedy or just plain lazy and apathetic.

A recent survey listed ten powerful temptations people face in this culture. Here’s five or them: 

1. The desire to buy more than they can afford.

2. The temptation to put themselves first and live a self-centered life.

3.  The inclination to laziness rather than productivity – to do nothing rather than something.

4. The enticement to procrastinate.

5. The temptation to make pleasure more important than purpose.

According to the dictionary, temptation is the act of enticement with the purpose of causing you to do something wrong or unprofitable by promising something positive. Temptation motivates you to do ‘bad’ by promising something good. The Bible totally agrees with this and affirms the need to say NO when it comes.

Temptation shows up early in the Biblical narrative. Only 3 chapters into the Bible we are told of a couple named Adam and Eve who were tempted to disobey God for the purpose of setting up their own autonomy. Guess what! They yielded to the voice of temptation. When they succumbed others were affected. When you yield – others are impacted as well.

When you yield to the temptation of surfing the Internet while you’re being paid to work, the productivity or your company decreases. When you sit on the couch watching sports knowing you should be helping your mate, your relationship suffers. When you’re tempted to lie rather than tell the truth, you hurt others and sacrifice your integrity if you yield.

Here are four things I’ve learned that may help in this ongoing battle with temptation.

1.    You have a better chance of standing strong in the midst of temptation if you have an exit strategy before you experience it. Schools and companies have an escape plan set in place in case of fire. People living in hurricane areas have a calculated strategy for when the winds come. And coaches never go into a contest without a game plan. Ask yourself: How am I going to escape when it happens to me? Get a plan!

2.    It’s critical to identify your weaknesses prior to a moment of enticement since temptation looks for your weak moments. In Luke 4 when Jesus was tempted, we are told that the devil left Him for another ‘opportune’ time. You can strengthen your resolve if you’re aware of your vulnerable points and set up a guard.

3.    People who lose the battle to temptation have often lost sight of the big picture. I did this in reference to cars. My temptation led me to purchase 21 cars in my first 20 years of marriage. Now I can say NO to the new car desire because I see beyond the temptation. I see the payments!

4.    Be willing to fight. (James 4:7) There will always be a battle but if you’re willing to close the door on temptation it will bear great dividends. 

Today Matters

by Andrew Cromwell

Today matters, but at the same time it doesn’t. It is one of life’s many paradoxes. What you do today eventually results in who you are tomorrow. And, there is no doubt, you can make some excellent choices today that will positively affect your future or you can make some terrible choices that could destroy it. 

Your future is made up of all of the todays between now and then. Just like most overnight successes don’t happen overnight, but as a result of lots of work, failed attempts and determination, tomorrow’s victories happen because of little decisions made every day. 

Put yourself in the shoes of the future you. Perhaps that future you has a college degree, is happily married (emphasis on the happy), has a great job, or a solid relationship with your kids. If you were to pick out any single day between now and that future you, the chances are that day would not be incredibly important. In the vast scheme of things, most days aren’t. 

This is the paradox. 

Any one day, doesn’t usually matter much. But string together a year or two of one days and suddenly you’ve got destiny-changing power. If you procrastinate today, no big deal. But if you procrastinate today, tomorrow, the next day and the next, pretty soon you are staring at another year gone by and you haven’t accomplished anything.

In football, there are two types of offenses (well there are many more, but for the sake of simplicity we will pretend there are only two). There is the “hail-mary” offense and the “grind-it-out” offense. The hail-mary offense relies on singular big plays where the quarterback throws the football as far down the field as he can in an attempt to win big. The grind-it-out offense is focused on a consistent gain of yards. The goal is to keep moving the ball forward every single play. A few yards here and few yards there and before you know it, you’ve got points on the board.

And that is why today matters. You need to move the ball forward. Just a little. A little consistency applied over a long time yields big results. Consistency is like water in the old Chinese proverb, a constant drip will wear through a rock. 

The Scripture says in Isaiah, “here a little, there a little”. That is how change happens. That is how a future is created. 

Do you want to accomplish something? Then do a little today. And then do a little tomorrow. Rinse and repeat. And remember, if you fail one day, no big deal! Just get back up and do a little the next day! 

Giants Among Us

by Tim Howard

A very interesting story about the Israelites is recorded in Numbers, chapter 13 of the Old Testament. They were on the verge of war and the Commander in Chief deployed 12 spies for reconnaissance to hopefully gather information for preparing a strategy.

On their return 10 of the 12 had a negative report, stressing their belief that the war was unwinnable. They gave this reason. “We can’t attack those people; they are stronger than we are…they are giants and we look like grasshoppers in comparison.”

When I read this, I was reminded of the time when my family had the opportunity to see the Los Angeles Lakers play the Golden State Warriors in basketball. We were seated three rows behind the Lakers bench and I’ve got to tell you Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, James Worthy and the others were gigantic. As exciting as that was for my family, a problem arose. We couldn’t see the game through the giants.

There are still giants among us! But I’m not speaking about people. I’m talking about challenges. Any time you face something beyond your ability to understand, control or change you are facing a giant.

Giants are those things you face in life that are bigger than you. They can be intimidating because of their size and they tend to threaten your security and sanity. If not dealt with they will skew your perspective and keep you from seeing clearly.

Many have heard the story about David and Goliath but if you haven’t, you can find the details in 1 Samuel, chapter 17. To learn how to win battles against giants you need to study winners and not whiners. David was a winner.

Here’s three things to learn about giants from David.

1. Just because giants are bigger than you, they aren’t necessarily better than you. Bigger is bigger not better. Solomon said: “The race is not always to the swift or the battle to the strong … but time and chance happen to them all.” We learned from Aesop’s Fables – just because the Hare is faster than the Tortoise doesn’t mean he automatically wins. Your battles may be asymmetric but not unwinnable.

2. Giants don’t go away if you ignore them. Goliath taunted the Israelites for 40 days until someone stepped up. You may have heard about the proverbial Pink Elephant in the room. No one wants to focus on it. No one wants to talk about it. No one wants to deal with it so we learn to live with it. We choose to embrace the mediocre rather than strive for the best. Maybe you should ask yourself this question:  What am I ignoring right now? What should I deal with but am unwilling to do so? What hurt am I simply trying to ignore? Maybe we ignore things because we’ve convinced ourselves they go away.  Not so!

 You know you are ignoring something when you keep postponing and procrastinate.  "One of these days... I'm going to go to the dentist." – You ignore that little pain "... I'm going to get that surgery"  "... I'm going to get some marriage counseling etc." We always postpone what is painful. Listen:

Postponing pain NEVER solves the pain. The fact is – procrastination turns minor problems into major ones. David was the only one who took the bull by the horns, so to speak.

3. Last of all, David won because his confidence was in God. Goliath was cocky and put his confidence in himself. Self-confidence is one thing but you need God-confidence to win battles against giants.

Keep Praying

by Andrew Cromwell

Have you ever prayed for something and didn’t see the change you were asking for? We all have. Sometimes this is because God says, “no”. Other times it is because He says “not yet.” Still other times it is because we quit asking too soon!

Far too often, we do not receive an answer to our prayer because we simply quit praying WAY too soon. Think about it, the big things in life -- a family member with an illness, a severely broken relationship, a life-long struggle with an addiction -- these things are so big that they often overwhelm us. We pray about these issues a few times, we might even do it for a week or a month, but soon enough we get tired and stop asking God for His intervention.

Most of my prayers are grenade type prayers. I face a bump in the road of life or hear about a difficulty that a friend is having and I lob up a prayer. I may even pause for a few moments and seek to really connect with God on the issue. But rarely do I carry these prayers throughout the day or into the next day. They are a version of the infamous hail-mary pass in football—a toss up that I’m hoping God can catch and make something out of.

There is nothing wrong with these types of prayers, except if they are the only kind of prayer we know how to do. A more difficult but necessary kind of prayer is one that involves continuous, sustained effort. This kind of prayer really is work. And this kind of prayer is necessary if we are going to see a greater movement of God in our lives.

Jesus told a story (recorded in Luke 18) about an unjust judge and a persistent widow. The widow pestered the judge night and day until he heard her case. At first the judge didn’t want to have anything to do with the widow but because she bugged him so badly, he finally listened to her and gave her the justice her situation demanded. Jesus went on to say, “Your Father in heaven is NOT like the unjust judge and will bring justice to those who cry out to Him day and night.”

The great Charles Spurgeon put it this way: "Prayer pulls the rope below and the great bell rings above in the ears of God. Some scarcely stir the bell, for they pray so languidly. Others give but an occasional pluck at the rope. But he who wins with heaven is the man who grasps the rope boldly and pulls continuously, with all his might."

So the next time you’re tempted to give up and stop praying, that is just the time when you need to pray again. Keep asking, keep pressing, and keep praying. Don’t give up the fight!

Food For Thought

by Tim Howard

If you’re like me, you might experience a bit of anxiety if some unexpected guests showed up on your doorstep – especially around dinnertime.  A woman named Martha did when Jesus and His 12 friends showed up on her doorstep late one afternoon. We are told she welcomed them into her home but very quickly became angry with her sister Mary because she wouldn’t help her prepare the meal. She said: “Jesus, don’t you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me? Tell her to lend me a hand.” Luke 10:40

If you think that’s bad, what would you do if you were given 15 minutes notice to feed 5000 plus people? Possibly you would react the same way the disciples reacted when Jesus, in Mark chapter 6 told them to feed the very large crowd that had gathered to hear Jesus teach.

The people had been following Jesus for quite some time. They hadn’t eaten all day and were hungry. They were in a very remote and desolate area and on top of that it was getting late. Recognizing this, the disciples expressed compassion. They spoke to Jesus and said it’s getting late so we’d better wrap things up and send the people away in order for them to get something to eat. Now I can’t speak for you but that sounds like the right thing and wise thing to do. It’s a good idea. As it turns out, they learned a GOOD idea isn’t always GOD’S idea.

No, You feed them! Jesus’ responded. What went on in their mind when they heard this command? Can you hear their thoughts? If you could, maybe they would sound like this: WHAT did you say? Are you kidding me! That’s not only crazy, it’s ridiculous! Come on, you can’t be serious! Who knows, maybe they looked at each other and rolled their eyes like my son sometimes does. Did they do that back then? Whatever they thought within their mind, it’s very clear from their comments, they felt it was an impossible request.

Without the help of Jesus most of us would be prone to respond in similar fashion to the disciples – when confronted with circumstances beyond our control. Too often we make conclusions based upon our own frame of reference, our own abilities and our own limitations. Thinking outside the box is difficult but necessary.

When the Landlord says the rent is due but you don’t have a job. The Doctor informs you they can’t find a cure for your disease or your mate of 30 years says I want a divorce. You’ve got to think outside the box because you need a miracle.

Here’s what Jesus said: What do you have? They responded – not much – just a couple of fish and a few loaves of bread. “Bring them to me”… That’s the first thing you should do when you face things bigger than you. Run to Jesus! Don’t worry about how little you have – It will be enough!  God made the world out of nothing so just think about what Jesus can do with a few fish and some bread. If you are facing insurmountable odds and it seems like you are facing impossible challenges, remember this: Miracles still happen!

The disciples followed his instructions and experienced life outside the box. The got more than food for the stomach – They received food for thought.