Ups and Downs

by Tim Howard

My wife and I were in Ogden Utah last week doing a leadership seminar when we celebrated our 43rd wedding anniversary. The people who know me think my wife must be a Saint for putting up with me for so long. I agree!

If you ask me how long I have been married I would say: “Not long enough!” Donna is the greatest gift anyone could receive.

It was February 16, 1973 when I spoke these words to my wife.  “ I, Tim Howard take you Donna to be my wife – to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse.  I promise to love you the same way Jesus loves me.  I promise to support you, cherish you, respect you, and be faithful to only you for as long as we both shall live.”

I was 22 at the time and didn’t fully understand the meaning of that phrase ‘for better or for worse’.  After all these years, however, I now have a clue.

We’ve had our share of bad times!  We have both thought about quitting.  The word divorce has crossed our minds and when we thought it couldn’t get much worse, it did!

It’s laughable now but it was painful then.  Maybe you have had some bad times in your marriage or possibly you are in a difficult season right now.  I want you to know, your bad times don’t have to destroy you. When God is allowed to work – They can develop you.

Life is not just about growing up!  To succeed in life you must grow down as well.  Trees that grow high will not stand against the winds of time unless they have deep roots.  God uses the ‘worse’ times – the ‘down’ times to develop a deep root system in your life.  These roots will keep you from crumbling under adversity. 

Paul the Apostle conveys this truth in the New Testament.  Romans 5:3-5, “We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to endure.  And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation.  And this expectation will not disappoint us…”

Here are five decisions that can change a ‘down’ into an ‘up.’

1.  Never Quit!  When things get tough, don’t stop doing the little things that made your marriage wonderful.  Remember, long before a divorce is ever finalized, someone quit doing the right things.

2.  Look for the gold in each other and don’t focus on the dirt. No one finds gold without going through some dirt and no one finds gold if they focus on the dirt.

3.  Love from your heart and not only from the emotions. In the ‘worse’ times, you need to decide to love your mate even though you may not like them.  Love is a decision. 

4.  Don’t hide things from each other. Psalm 32 tells how devastating this is.

5.  Make God and His desire your first priority.  When He is first, things fall into place.  Check out Matthew 6:33 and discover God’s promise to you. 

I am very thankful we have experienced far more of the ‘up’ years than ‘down.’ When God is involved the ‘Ups’ make the ‘Downs – worth it.

Cursing the Darkness

by Andrew Cromwell

Recently I was reminded at how frequently I default into “cursing” mode. No, not the hammer your thumb, four-letter kind of cursing mode, but rather the kind where you look around at the state of the world and can see only what is bad and broken and start complaining. If you’re at all like me, it doesn’t take much to put you there. Fifteen minutes of TV news will do it. So will virtually any conversation about politics and the state of our political system. Of course, there is the tried and true conversation about the same old things at work that still don’t work the way they should.

Whenever we are confronted with the brokenness of the world, it is so easy to just start to moan and groan. We complain that it should be different. We lament how things just seem to be getting worse and worse. We repeat the same old phrases about how it used to be better in the good old days. We blame society. We blame kids. We blame the teachers. We blame the system.

They call this cursing the darkness. The last time I checked, cursing the darkness doesn’t do much good. If every time I walk into my garage I stub my toe, and then spend all the time I’m in the garage (and out of the garage), talking about how it should be different, what good will that do? I need to turn on a light (or move the toe-stubbing object somewhere else!).

If you’re unhappy with your marriage, don’t complain about it, do something. If you’re unhappy with your political leaders, don’t complain about it, do something! And if you’re unhappy with the school system, the kids today, or the situation in the city or county, do something! And contrary to popular opinion, complaining is not doing something.

Turn on a light! And if there’s not a light to turn on, install one! Carry one with you. Determine to be the kind of person that adds light to every situation, instead of just cursing the darkness.

Jesus said, “let your light shine before men so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven” Light-people are lifters – they lift situations out of the muck and mire and make them beautiful.

What kind of person are you? Are you a complainer or are you a light-giver? Are you shining light or are you cursing the darkness? We need some more light-people up in here!

A Place to Rest

by Tim Howard

Insomnia is defined as habitual sleeplessness, according to the dictionary. 

A person experiencing this condition is incapable of finding true rest. 

The reasons for restlessness abound!  The threat of global recession, continuing wars, famines, natural disasters, incurable diseases, personal crisis, family challenges and future uncertainty are all contributing factors.

When this happens, certain consequences ensue: People may start arguing with others, do sub-par work, be less loving and more irritable with children and friends.  It’s hard to live in peace when you have no rest.

The Bible tells us in Hebrews chapter 4 that there is a way to find true rest.  This rest is defined as a ‘peace from God’ that will allow you to sleep all night long and have pleasant dreams.  Check out what Paul the Apostle says in Philippians 4:7.  He tells us that this peace defies logic because it’s not connected to external things.  You can be in the middle of a raging storm and still sleep like a baby.  Mark 4:38 records a time when Jesus did it and so can you.

To enter and experience this rest, however, some key decisions must be made regarding your past and future.  Worrying about your past and fretting about your future will contribute greatly to sleeplessness.  This happens because you were not created to live in the past or the future but in the PRESENT.  Rest and peace are available only to those who live in the present and seek God NOW!

Many people, however, choose to live in the past.  They will not leave the past hurts, the slights, the pain, the problems, the misunderstandings, the grudges, and the resentments. They choose to rehearse the past rather than release it.  They have pretty much identified themselves as victims.  Their past begins to infect their present rather than affect it in a positive way. May I suggest that you cannot change the past!  It is gone forever, so why focus on that which cannot be changed?   Jesus wants you to focus on what can be changed.  It’s no surprise that Isaiah 43:18 tells us: “Do not be obsessed with the former things or continually focus on the things of the past.”

Regarding the future, Jesus said these words in Matthew 6:34 …do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Worry will rob you of rest today and catapult you into the uncertainty of the future. What you do today is extremely important. Your decisions will actually shape your tomorrows and release God’s peace. You can determine right now that – the rest of your days will be the best of your days.

Whether you are struggling with the past or the future, God wants to give you rest. Trusting Him for a bright tomorrow is the antidote to worry. He can use your past to strengthen your future and bless your present. Let’s get rid of our yesterdays and make room for our tomorrows by finding a place of rest as you put your trust in God.

Dr. Spouse

by Andrew Cromwell

According to the statistics, most people will marry at some point in their life and the vast majority of people prefer being paired up with someone else versus living single. Of course, what is often ironic about that fact is that one of the more frequent questions we ask ourselves once we do get married is, “what was I thinking?” The old adage, “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them” seems to apply all too frequently.

We are wired for relationships -- God built it into our DNA. We can’t get around it. And there is something deeply satisfying when we find that sweet spot in a marriage relationship where we are able to love and be loved and do life together. Almost all of us look at those marriages that have stood the test of time -- people married for 40, 50, and even 60 years -- and want to know, “How did they do it?”

And while there are exceptions, most of these long term marriages seem to have figured out a secret and all of us who would desire that kind of success, desperately want to know what that secret is. How do we make it through the ups and downs of life and still find the other person fascinating?

The answer, or at least one of the answers, to this question, as is often the case, is incredibly simple to understand but will take a lifetime to master. If you want to make it work with your spouse in a way that is magical, then you have to be willing to be a lifetime learner. You have to become a student of your spouse. You have to be willing to study them so well, that you become a Ph.D. in the subject of that singular person that you are married to.

More often than not, marriages fail, not because two people are incompatible, but because they are unwilling. They are unwilling to do the difficult work of figuring each other out. And what is worse, they assume that once they have “figured out their spouse”, they can rest easy. This is a problem because people keep changing throughout the course of their life -- they are not fixed subjects that can be put under glass and studied with a microscope. Rather, they are living, breathing entities that are constantly changing and adjusting. Becoming an expert in this kind of subject takes a lot of time, energy, and effort.

I enjoy watching nature documentaries about exotic animals that are difficult to find. Creatures that only come out at night or live in the remotest of places. Animals that are so rare that sometimes they are thought to be extinct. To capture footage of such creatures is an incredible feat. The camera crew, often just a single individual, must be willing to put in hours of patient study, frequently in extremely difficult conditions, just to get a few seconds of material. And yet they are pleased to wait because they consider the animal worth it.

If only we would be so patient with our spouses! All too often, we are unwilling to wait, unwilling to put in the time, unwilling to go through the difficult conditions to capture the opportunity to truly “see” them. People don’t reveal their inner secrets easily. Real intimacy comes at a price, but often we are unwilling to pay. But for those that pay the price, they get understanding. And with understanding comes great benefits.

So the next time you are frustrated with your spouse and are contemplating throwing in the towel, maybe first you need to ask yourself, “have I really put in the time and effort?” Do I really have a Ph.D. in this subject or have I settled for something less? Am I still a student and a lifetime learner or have I become bored and complacent?

It might be time to pick up the books again! Your spouse is one of the most fascinating people on the planet -- or have you forgotten?

Keep The Faith

by Tim Howard

We all have faith! Whenever you get on an airplane – you exercise faith by putting your confidence in a pilot you have never met. When you invest in a retirement fund you exercise faith by believing there will be a significant profit – to assist you in the future. The question isn’t if you have faith but where do you place your faith and in whom do you trust.

The author of Hebrews – a book in the Bible – tells us that faith is not optional but essential to pleasing God.

Heb. 11:6 “…without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” NIV

 To have faith in God you must believe He exists and that He is actively involved in your ongoing welfare. He has been in your past – He is in your present and will be in your future. He not only exists but also rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

God is more interested in giving than taking – People who put their faith in Him and earnestly seek Him – discover this truth to be real. A familiar verse – known to many people, is found in John 3:16. It starts by saying  “For God so loved the world He gave…” 

Love is God’s motivation for giving rewards.  Behind every act there is a motive and the motivating factor behind every act determines the ensuing results.  When things are done out of anger, bitterness, pressure, guilt or duty, they reap negative results but when people do things out of love, kindness, mercy, grace and compassion he or she makes a positive impact.  Motives are very important – and God’s motive is love!

He is not a respecter of persons and does not show favoritism.  His blessings and rewards extend to all mankind but those who believe in Him and seek Him – experience what is available to all. 

I’ve heard people say they have faith in God but when they describe their faith they talk about a ‘Higher Power,’ a ‘Force’ or an ‘Energy.” Something impersonal.

Jesus came to reveal God to be very personal. He does not sit in the heavens watching things unwind but is very aware of what goes on and partners with those who call on Him.

I like what David wrote in Psalms 139:1-3

“You have searched me LORD and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are intimately acquainted with my ways”

In other words, He is not aloof – out there – up there – somewhere.

He IS here. He IS present. He IS actively involved in the lives of those who seek Him and rewards them now and in the future.

When you believe, trust and put your confidence in that truth – You are expressing faith!

We all have faith but our faith is only as strong as the object of that faith. Trusting people can sometimes backfire. Putting confidence in your accumulated wealth can prove disastrous since no one knows what tomorrow holds. Just keep an eye on Wall Street to see how things can change.

God can be trusted and Jesus revealed Him to us.  Those who seek, believe and trust in Jesus will be rewarded. You can take that to the bank!

Have Courage

by Andrew Cromwell

There may be one or two valuable things I have gained from the social media site Instagram besides peering into the lives of friends and web-celebrities and wondering how in the world they got their pictures to look so good. Well, two might be a stretch, but for sure I have learned one thing. That is, there is a lot of negativity out there in the world and in order to combat it requires a continual decision to move in the opposite direction of the natural flow.

A constant theme of many of the “successful” instagrammers is that they have stopped worrying about what other people think and have decided to focus on personal growth and positive thinking. You see this theme echoed almost verbatim from all kinds of people, from the fitness fanatics to the business builders  to the stylish savants.

Why this common thread? Is it possible that all these people have a shared media playbook that is advising them that encouraging posts will garner them more followers? And what’s more, how can I get myself a copy?

While I don’t really believe there is a secret book on how to become a social media celebrity, I do believe this common thread is a reaction to the experience of this life that we all share in common. All of us face disappointment, negativity, broken dreams, and tragedy. Life is corrosive in that way. It is a natural result of the broken state of the world we live in.

Once upon a time we were full of hope and expectation for the future. We believed that we could achieve great things. We had in our mind’s eye a picture of what our life would look like -- the perfect spouse, family, and job. But somewhere along the way our fairytale bubble was burst and now we are guarded, jaded, and even fearful.

As a result of this common experience, some have fought back by seeking out encouraging words and focusing on the positive. This is a great response, but there is an even better way.

That better way goes deeper than positive words of self-affirmation because it focuses on a person who actually can and will help. Someone who is powerful enough to actually make a difference. That person is Jesus Christ and he offers more than positive energy..

The historical accounts in the Bible record how the disciples were often afraid, doubt-filled, anxious, and confused. We deal with those same emotions and same reality today. The answer Christ offered His disciples, is the same He offers today. Jesus said to His disciples, “Take courage for I have overcome the world” and “fear not little flock, your Father wants to give you the kingdom.”

When we put our trust in a person that doesn’t ever fail then we don’t have to be fearful and anxious. We can have courage. He promises a better tomorrow. Today might be difficult and broken, but tomorrow He will put things right. This life is only temporary and He offers strength to overcome today’s weakness and a new and brighter day after.

So are the things you are afraid of too big for Him to deal with? I don’t think so. Be encouraged, He answers those who call.

Guidelines

by Tim Howard

A couple of weeks ago I set some time aside to plot a personal course for the New Year and to develop a plan for Spiritual, Intellectual, Physical and Relational growth.

I do not want to yield to the status quo, become complacent and focus on past accomplishment because that leads to stagnation, deterioration and lifelessness.

Four words came to mind and throughout 2016, I plan to recall these words because they will guide me in every decision I make – every goal I set and everything I seek to accomplish.

These four words can be a good guide for those who want to influence others in an every-increasing way throughout the New Year.

REAL                             

The word hypocrite in the Bible refers to someone who is ‘acting.’ They are pretending to be something they are not! There’s a lot of that going on and it’s not only happening in the movies or on television.

Many people take on a persona that isn’t real. Possibly because they want others to view them as great but are not willing to work on actually becoming great. Getting people to think you are great is a lot easier that actually becoming great!

Being real has to do with authenticity. It’s foundational for influencing people over the long haul. I am committed to being the “Real Deal.” People who make this decision refuse to be a fake – They are people who choose transparency even if others view their flaws. Do you want to have a positive impact on people? Commit yourself to being the Real Deal!

RELEVANT

Someone said: “It’s not enough to be on the cutting edge – we must be on the bleeding edge.” In other words we must be closely connected to what’s happening in our culture – We can’t afford to have our head’s stuck in the sand.

The Bible talks about people from Issachar who understood the times in which they lived and had wisdom as a result. This year you might want to consider doing away with that which doesn’t fit any more. Some things may have worked in the past but they don’t now. They’re not relevant today. Seek to be current without compromise.

RELATIONAL

Growth and influence happens in the context of relationship. God wants your year to be filled with growth and this will happen more consistently when you connect with people. I’m convinced – We should not do life alone – It’s not healthy! When God created Adam He said: “It’s not good for man to be alone.” That is a philosophical statement that goes beyond the marriage union. A person will impact and Influence others more greatly when he or she makes relationships a priority. Don’t be a silo this year – connect with others!

The last word I thought about was the word: REMEMBER! It’s as though the Lord impressed on me to recall certain things and not forget. Here’s a few things worth remembering as we move through 2016 together.

Over-night success usually takes about 15 years.                                             
Live beneath your means.                                                                                        
Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen every day.                       
Take responsibility for every area of your life.                                          
Your attitude is an odor or a fragrance.                                                         
The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. The grass is greener where you water it.
Success is not permanent, and failure is not final. God is greater than any giant you may face.

These four words can set some guidelines for all of us to follow – if we so choose!