Ups and Downs

by Tim Howard

My wife and I were in Ogden Utah last week doing a leadership seminar when we celebrated our 43rd wedding anniversary. The people who know me think my wife must be a Saint for putting up with me for so long. I agree!

If you ask me how long I have been married I would say: “Not long enough!” Donna is the greatest gift anyone could receive.

It was February 16, 1973 when I spoke these words to my wife.  “ I, Tim Howard take you Donna to be my wife – to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse.  I promise to love you the same way Jesus loves me.  I promise to support you, cherish you, respect you, and be faithful to only you for as long as we both shall live.”

I was 22 at the time and didn’t fully understand the meaning of that phrase ‘for better or for worse’.  After all these years, however, I now have a clue.

We’ve had our share of bad times!  We have both thought about quitting.  The word divorce has crossed our minds and when we thought it couldn’t get much worse, it did!

It’s laughable now but it was painful then.  Maybe you have had some bad times in your marriage or possibly you are in a difficult season right now.  I want you to know, your bad times don’t have to destroy you. When God is allowed to work – They can develop you.

Life is not just about growing up!  To succeed in life you must grow down as well.  Trees that grow high will not stand against the winds of time unless they have deep roots.  God uses the ‘worse’ times – the ‘down’ times to develop a deep root system in your life.  These roots will keep you from crumbling under adversity. 

Paul the Apostle conveys this truth in the New Testament.  Romans 5:3-5, “We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to endure.  And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation.  And this expectation will not disappoint us…”

Here are five decisions that can change a ‘down’ into an ‘up.’

1.  Never Quit!  When things get tough, don’t stop doing the little things that made your marriage wonderful.  Remember, long before a divorce is ever finalized, someone quit doing the right things.

2.  Look for the gold in each other and don’t focus on the dirt. No one finds gold without going through some dirt and no one finds gold if they focus on the dirt.

3.  Love from your heart and not only from the emotions. In the ‘worse’ times, you need to decide to love your mate even though you may not like them.  Love is a decision. 

4.  Don’t hide things from each other. Psalm 32 tells how devastating this is.

5.  Make God and His desire your first priority.  When He is first, things fall into place.  Check out Matthew 6:33 and discover God’s promise to you. 

I am very thankful we have experienced far more of the ‘up’ years than ‘down.’ When God is involved the ‘Ups’ make the ‘Downs – worth it.