To Be Honest

by Candace Cortez

When I need a change of pace or scenery, I often try to find a place to work outside of the office. Coffee shops, diners, even a park if I don’t need WIFI. Sometimes this change of pace pays off and I am focused and productive. Sometimes I place my ear buds in my ears and get right to work. Sometimes, I forget to turn music on and I am sitting with my ear buds in my ears, and I can still hear all of the conversations around me. To be honest, I kinda love when this happens. Call me a creeper, but I love to feel the presence of community and I am curious about how people relate to each other and what topics matter and make relationships happen.   

I was sitting earbuds in when a couple was obviously on a first or maybe a second date. I have overheard a breakup. There have been friend fights and even some friend counseling. Mothers of young children get together and talk the challenges and tricks to being a parent. Conference calls, Skype sessions with mom, and even job interviews, all overheard at the table next to me.

Some folks people watch. I suppose you can say I people listen.

One of the most beautiful things I have heard is a group of friends, who have obviously been friends for some time, discussing the tough stuff. Religion, politics, social issues and marriage issues just to name a few. The most interesting part was not the topics of discussion, but how many opposing perspectives and strong opinions were represented within that social circle. A few were very Anti-President Trump, while a couple others highly supported our President and his decisions. One couple were involved in a specific denomination at church, while a few others had some strikingly different thoughts about practicing worship. A few of them had older children who were struggling and there was a lot of different types of advice given that actually contradicted each other, from tough love to total support.

These are big deals for a lot of people, and I have found that many relationships struggle to be honest when the topics present differences in opinions.

These very same topics are often the cause of many arguments on both social media and in other conversation venues. These individuals had found a way to be totally honest with each other without offending each other. I believe that extra element was love.

To be totally honest with someone, we risk exposing cracks in our relationship and in the character of others. This risk has created a general silence in so many relationships. The other option is to just not say anything if we disagree or see something in our loved ones that needs to be addressed. We sometimes make assumptions and instead of asking for clarity, we walk around with unknown misconceptions in our hearts. Sometimes we just need to ask the tough questions. We need to challenge our thoughts about tough topics. We need to hold each other accountable. To do this, we need honest AND love.

Not once did Jesus ever lie, by omission or otherwise. He also didn’t shy away from the things about life and relationship that were hard. The way the tough things like “go and sin no more” was received, was perfect love. 

Our love is not perfect. But it gets a bit closer with honesty with the people in our circle. Talk about the tough stuff! Share who you are. Give space for others to do the same.