by Sylvia Gaston
If you are raising kids, or have raised kids, you know that
there are distinct phases of their lives that present their own joys and
challenges.
Infants bring indescribable love as well as sleep
deprivation like you’ve never, ever known.
Toddlers are on the go and exploring everything around them.
But this can also be when a defiant human emerges.
Preschoolers are fiercely independent and curious-er and
curious-er.
Elementary – I call this the sweet spot………they still like
you and are self-sufficient enough to make life just a little bit easier.
How about them Junior High and High schoolers? Hang on, parents,
it’s about to get bumpy - for them and for you.
Emerging Adulthood is a whole new ball game and each child
and their situation looks a little different. Parents are still vital in their
lives as they explore their next steps.
Adult Children – who knew we would still do important
parenting stuff through this stage, too?
Each of these phases brings the highest highs and desperate
lows. No handbook, no way to prepare for the unknown, and no two kids are alike.
What worked for one, is a complete fail with the other.
I remember waiting with great anticipation for the next
phase, focusing on the difficulties of the current one. I thought, “If I can
just make it through night feedings (or diapers, or chasing, rescuing, puberty,
peer pressure, dating, you fill in the _______________), the next phase is sure
to be easier.”
HA!
Why did I ever
think that? Each phase came with it’s own NEW set of challenges and struggles.
Luckily I realized early on, if I was always in a rush and
looking to the next phase I would miss the beauty of the current phase. So I
developed a personal habit of clicking “Kodak moments” in my head. I captured
in my mind, if not on camera, the sweet moments that I never wanted to forget –
the delight of each of my babies at their respective phase of life.
I created mental memory books of Bryan, Justus, Mackenzie
and Seth – as well as the other children that God brought into our lives. Those
kids that hung around ours, spent time at our house, and became “our” kids too –
in our hearts.
Special events…*click*. Family moments…*click*. Laughter,
accomplishments, struggles…*click*, *click*, *click* - our Kodak moments.
And, oh the struggles! What family doesn’t or hasn’t had
them? Don’t believe your social media feed. We all present to the world the
best of our family. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I, personally, think
it’s OK to use social media as a personal parent brag book. But I do not fool
myself into thinking that it is the whole picture of ANY family – including
mine.
So what did my dear husband and I do to survive the
struggles that each phase brought? We hit our knees! (Well, not really – I
actually only occasionally pray on my knees J)
But, PRAY, we did! And, DO!
I’ve said it before…who can survive marriage, parenthood, or
life without God? I pray to the One who knows all, sees all, and still loves us
all. Without Him, I would have given up long ago.
Even now, with my children in high school, emerging
adulthood, and adulthood – I know that I still have much to survive (!) and
much to offer them. I can’t do either of those things very well without God.
So, I pray. I confide in, cry to, seek wisdom and advice
from God in Heaven who loves my kids, and the phase they’re in, even more than
I do.
The Bible says, “We do not know what to do but we are looking to You for help.” (2
Chronicles 20:12)
Remember, they’re just phases…but they last our entire
lifetime. Don’t try to do it alone.
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