I recall as a young boy reciting the nursery rhyme,
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice,
And everything nice,
That's what little girls are made of.
What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails,
And puppy dog tails,
That's what little boys are made of.
Being raised in a house with four brothers and no sister I figured that rhyme was just a childhood concept. Then I began to interact with the opposite sex. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t like to get punched on the playground and why it was such a big deal when I pulled their ponytails. Today at 47 I have abandoned all foolishness of yanking on ponytails and teasing girls. I must confess part of this behavioral change is due to many black eyes and sitting in the Principle’s Office more times than I would like to confess.
In our society there is constant talk about the great differences between men and women. Popular authors such as John Gray have made a career out of observing the stark contrasts between the communication styles, needs, and desires of males and females. And while I do not believe that these differences are as insurmountable as some make them out to be, I do recognize that for men and women to understand and function together successfully, much effort and dedication is required.
A number of years ago, my wife and I and our two children moved to Mexico to do some missions work. Due to the move and the language barrier, there was a period of time when my two kids did not have many other children to play with. As I watched them play together for hours on end I could see major differences between them. Joanna, my daughter, would organize all of her dolls in a circle and tell her brother, Andrew, exactly where he should sit. Joanna would then begin to converse with all the dolls. She would speak, the dolls would speak (via Joanna), and Andrew would speak (also via Joanna). This would go on for a while, Andrew playing along quite well, repeating back to his sister just what she wanted to hear. But after a while Andrew grew tired of this game. He grew silent for a time and then would erupt in a flurry of action and sound. Toy cars crashed into houses and ran over dolls, imaginary missiles descended and engulfed everything in flames and smoke, and the shrieks of my little girl filled the house. Destruction interested Andrew more then conversation.
It’s a fact, men and women are different. They are different physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Physically, men and women have a different skeletal structure. Women have shorter legs, a longer trunk, and smaller lungs. They also have larger kidneys, liver, stomach, and appendix. Women have a more active thyroid gland which gives them a greater resistance to cold temperature and is the cause of their smooth-skinned, relatively hairless body. Women also typically outlive men by four to eight years. But women generally have a lower constitutional vitality then men because they have fewer red blood cells.
There is no doubt that more could be said concerning the differences between the sexes. Suffice it to say for now that men and women have some hurdles to overcome if true unity is to come about. Here are some simple principles I have gleaned from the gospel of Mark that we can apply to our marriages and relationships to help better understand and overcome how these great differences can be turned into great strengths.
In Mark chapter ten Jesus responds to the Pharisees’ question about divorce. The problem of divorce was a hot button in that culture as it is in ours today. Jesus stated that divorce is the ultimate expression of the hardening of the hearts of people. When one’s heart is hardened it is due to the refusal to forgive or the inability to forgive the offending spouse.
I see three things in Jesus’ answer to His generation and to our in the Kings County. There is a Practical Word, a Profound Word, and a Preserving Word. First, the Practical Word. Jesus declares the importance of forgiveness in relationships and the constant vigilance against a hard unforgiving heart. What Christ desires for your life is functional and fruitful relationships and that can only occur if we do not allow our hearts to become embittered by offenses from others. The practical word from Christ is twofold; One that we would guard our hearts and be ready to forgive those who will offend us. Secondly that we would be sensitive if we are the offending one to actively seek forgiveness and practically stopping the offence behavior.
Second, the Profound Word. Jesus notes that when man and wife are joined in marriage they become one flesh. God’s math in marriage is one plus one equals one. Through divine surgery He joins two people together physically and spiritually. The challenge is that this unity is not experienced immediately by the husband and wife. This is because God desires for people to become better through humility, confession, and patience. It is only when couples decide to learn new skills and push toward becoming the best of friends that the physical, social, and spiritual unity can be expressed in live. Marriage is a call to grow up and if one or more in the marriage decide to hold to their immaturity then the marriage becomes intolerable..
Third, the Preserving Word. After speaking of God’s "New Math" in marriage, Jesus utters a phrase that has been etched on our minds from countless marriage ceremonies: "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." But this phrase is more then just a pronouncement to be given at a wedding. It is a statement of the necessity of the preservation of the marriage relationship. It is a reminder that there will be forces which will try to separate marriages. We would be unwise to miss Christ’s point here: marriage is a sacrament that is holy and should remain undefiled. It is a union that is ordained by God and it should be protected from the forces of a society that would seek to destroy it. God declares He will defend the marriage and all couples in conflict should take comfort in the fact that "with God all things are possible." Another verse declares, "If God be for us who can be against us." Every couple can be empowered to be successful in their marital vows if they seek to have a sensitive heart, an attitude of growth, and a trust in almighty God.
These principles — being quick to forgive others, being careful to work toward unity with your spouse, being cautious to protect the wholeness of your marriage — are ones that, if applied consistently, can help to strengthen your marriage and relationships. And while these principles can be taken in the absence of spirituality, the true key here is to take one’s marriage and relationships and give them up to God. After all, He is the one who made men and women, don’t you think that it might be wise to enlist His help when faced with the difficulties of daily life?
The Pastors in Kings County would love to see you this coming Sunday and help your marriage to become the one God intended.
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